The official top 10 teatime biscuits, according to an expert - Gaby Soutar

Here are our favourite, rated best first

I’m quite proud of my self-discipline, when it comes to biscuits.

Every weekday, at 3.45pm, I will decant a single one, then quickly clamp up the packet. No more. That way, extreme sugar inhalation and its ensuing chaos lies.

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Anyway, this restricted intake means that they’ve got to be goodies. I won’t be having any of the disappointing ones. The utter rejects include Party Rings, which I’ve hated since I was six years old, and the crime-against-snacks that are Oreos. Jaffa Cakes don’t count, because they’re cakes.

Also, it’s very controversial, but bourbons and custard creams are too small and remind me of the school tuck shop circa 1983. They will not make it onto this list. These are the best, in descending order.

1 Shortbread. As far as sugar and butter goes, these are the finest and most patriotic delivery systems. I prefer them as fingers, with those neat punctures along the top. Petticoat tails are good too, though messy and the shape makes portion control extremely complicated.

2 Anything with maximum chocolate. I’m thinking of Choco Leibniz, or a two-fingered KitKat. It’s a ritual to scrunch up that silver paper and flick it. That’s why the vacuum cleaner is full of metal balls. I can also do a Viscount, Rocky, mint or orange Club (not the fruit one) or a chocolate-chunk-riddled Boasters. However, despite this rule, there's something deeply unsatisfying about Penguins. P-p-p-put them down.

3 Ginger Nuts. I know I said I only do one biscuit, but these are so small that two is a necessity.

4 2D chocolate ones. This category includes McVities Chocolate HobNobs, as well as the smoother McVities Chocolate Digestives. They also do a McVities Caramel Digestive these days. If you haven’t tried one, you haven’t lived.

5 Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer. The chewy-ness makes me think of stale things, but they’re also extremely moreish.

6 Jammy Dodger. Don’t forget this guy. Dispatch it in a cannnibal-style by eating round the edges first, and leaving the heart until last.

7 Biscoff. The hairdresser’s favourite. Mine too.

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8 Gypsy Cream. Very underrated. The Stevie Nicks of biscuits.

9 Fig rolls or garibaldis. They’re not exciting, but you wouldn’t kick them out of the biscuit tin. Try one, they might surprise you.

10 Rich Teas. They don't have many fans. In fact, I may be the only one, but I think there’s something pleasurably ascetic about them. They make me feel like a monk. Same goes for the plain Abernethy, a Malted Milk or a Nice.



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