I'm starting 2025 with health condition BPPV and these are the symptoms

I was planning to sashay my way into 2025, feeling fit, smug and virtuous.

Instead, I have a minor ailment that’s been scuppering my January fitness regime.

It started suddenly one morning. I sat up on the bed, and it felt as if the room was spinning. Not subtly. This is no gentle Victorian-style swoon that can be fixed with snuff. I’m talking about the waltzers-in-a-cyclone Wizard-of-Oz-house level of dizziness. It’s like my brain was a zoetrope.

I enjoyed it, in a strange sort of way. It made me feel like shouting ‘woo-hoo!’, even if I did instinctively clutch my head, as if clamping it still would do any good.

When I lay back down in a panic, and tilted my head to the right side, not only did the vertigo continue, but I also got this strange involuntary eye flickering symptom.

They were going from side-to-side, like those of a ventriloquist’s dummy. It really felt as if someone else was controlling them and I think this could be a decent premise for a horror film.

In this situation, I could have completely freaked out and started asking for a ‘gottle of geer’.

Thankfully, I knew exactly what it was, as my sister had the same thing a couple of months ago, and, as the symptoms are so distinct, there’s not much else it could be.

Not a stroke, or a brain tumour. I didn’t think it was my blood pressure. There were no other symptoms, like a headache or face drooping. No need to call 999.

It was BVVP - Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BVVP), which I have self diagnosed, via Dr Google. Though, if you have similar symptoms, please go to your actual GP, just in case.

Anyway, the first word in the acronym is the most beautiful in medicine. It’s nothing to be worried about. Unless, of course, you’re currently operating heavy machinery. And nobody knows what paroxysmal means. Not even doctors.

According to the internet, BVVP is a very common condition, which affects around half of the population at least once in their lifetime. The elderly, especially, so who knows why it’s struck this spring chicken.

It also happens suddenly and pretty randomly, though it can be prompted by an inner ear infection or head injury. It’s caused by your inner ear canal crystals, which are responsible for balance, coming out of whack and migrating into another chamber.

Until now, I didn’t know there were such Swarovski-like gems in there. I’m fabulously rich, if only I knew how to mine them. I’m sure they’re in places that cotton buds can only fantasise about.

BVVP can last up to a couple of months - in my sister’s case, it was two. I’m not putting up with it for that long. There’s no way I’m going to be spinning all the way into March and beyond.

To fix it, there are a couple of manoeuvres to try. These include the Epley, and, as I call it, the Branston Pickle manoeuvre (otherwise known as the Brandt Daroff).

Listening to OMD does nothing to help, though it’s always nice to revisit Enola Gay.

Anyway, think of these techniques as like that maze game, when you have to negotiate a ball bearing into a hole. Except you’re blindfolded, with your hands behind your back, and the balls are made of calcium carbonate and can only be seen under a microscope.

You sit on your bed, and move your head in various directions, like a Ray Harryheusen owl.

Annoyingly, the exercises induce the spinning sensations, so it’s not fun, but I have bravely continued to do them umpteen times a day.

But, still, the occasional sensation of being on a listing ship persists, though it is slightly improved. The wonky eye part has at least cleared up.

Dizzy person leaning against wall | kleberpicui - stock.adobe.com

Also, I know that each vertigo bout only lasts for a short time. That’s another of the specific symptoms - the attacks shouldn’t last more than 20 seconds.

I’m just glad that I’m not experiencing the nausea that can accompany BVVP. It hasn’t affected my appetite at all. In fact, I think the leftover Christmas Celebrations are actually helping. The crystals control me now and are asking for chocolate. They crave crisps and ice cream too.

This condition causes me no problems at work, so there are no excuses to sign off sick. As long as my head is still, and I’m looking straight ahead at a screen, I don’t experience any vertigo. It’s an employer’s dream illness.

When I do fun stuff like yoga, or any exercise classes that involve changing position, tilt my head back to laugh or wash my hair, or lie down for a nap, the spinning strikes. I wake up in the night, in a confused fuddle. I dream of waltzers.

However, I have been continuing to do most of the things that aggravate the condition anyway.

I don’t want to entirely put my life on hold, if this is going to last for ages.

The fitness sessions are the worst, as there are other people around, who might think I’m stringing out the eggnogs. That’s the problem, with dizzy spells. Everyone assumes you’re on the grog.

I remember my late dad once had a funny turn, caused by blood pressure problems, while walking along an Edinburgh street. Passers-by steered away from him, as he clutched onto the railings. Nobody helped.

I now have renewed sympathy for those who suffer with dizziness, for whatever reason.

It’s not fun, even if it does occasionally makes you want to shout ‘woo-hoo!’