SNP conference diary: Hiccups, pies and £4.90 diet cokes

Doing a Flynn

It was good to see Stephen Flynn, the SNP’s beleaguered Transport Secretary, apply his trademark attention to detail to his opening speech at the SNP conference in Aberdeen.

Extolling the virtues of John Swinney, a man “whose principles and moral rigour stand any test” (pass the sick bucket), he asked party members: “Who was there when we secured our Parliament?

“Who was there when we won in 2007? Who was on the front line in 2014? Who was there when we needed him in 2023? ...That’s right - John Swinney - with every single one of us right by his side.”

Stephen Flynn

Mr Swinney, of course, became the party’s leader in 2024, not 2023. As one hack put it, “The SNP might have needed him in 2023, but that’s when he personally wanted to f off.”

To be fair, Mr Flynn was probably busy facetiming his kids at the time.

Daylight robbery

Those unfortunate enough to have arrived at the P&J Live arena without supplies were in for a nasty surprise.

Fancy a bottle of diet coke? That’ll be £4.90, thank you. Yes, that’s right: four pounds and ninety pence.

A latte and croissant at the conference venue came in at a princely £7.55, while a baked potato was a tenner.

No wonder there’s a black hole in the country’s finances.

Who ate all the pies?

One way to get around this problem, of course, is by stuffing your face at a fringe meeting, where free food and drink are often provided.

The Scottish Police Federation (SPF) served up sandwiches and pies as they regaled delegates with tales of cash-strapped officers.

Neil Gray, who recently switched his health portfolio for the justice brief, sounded appreciative.

“The pies certainly were not available at my last conference fringes,” he told the event.

Bad timing

The problem of youngsters wearing balaclavas and tearing around on souped-up e-bikes dominated the SPF fringe.

At almost the exact same moment Mr Gray was telling delegates of the growing challenge, Stagecoach announced it would no longer be serving the P&J Live between 6pm and 11pm “due to antisocial behaviour towards our staff and passengers”.

“This is a wider societal issue that requires a collaborative response from operators, local venues, Police Scotland and the Scottish government,” it said.

Talk about timing.