Local Hero a threat to US national security? Alcatraz may await the culprits

As Donald Trump announces plans to impose a 100 per cent tariff on foreign films, a remake of Local Hero may be in order...

In the 1970s, the idea of a Scottish film being an international success was almost laughable. Then along came wonderful movies like Local Hero and Gregory’s Girl and, suddenly, we were a hit.

However, while Peter Capaldi, John Gordon Sinclair and Clare Grogan didn’t realise it, these successes made them threats to US national security. No one else realised either – until self-proclaimed “very stable genius” Donald Trump worked it all out.

Actor Peter Riegert, who played 'Mac' MacIntyre, inside the famous phone box in the film Local Hero | Contributed

“The Movie Industry in America is DYING a very fast death. Other Countries are offering all sorts of incentives to draw our filmmakers and studios away from the United States...” he posted. “This is a concerted effort by other Nations and, therefore, a National Security threat.”

In an entirely separate development, Trump has ordered the iconic Alcatraz prison to reopen. Capaldi and co should perhaps rustle up a quick Local Hero remake, starring Donald Trump as a wise old man living in a palatial beach house who persuades a brilliant billionaire, also Trump, to build a maximum security prison for allegedly ‘woke’ judges or they may find themselves being fitted out for an orange jumpsuit.