Janet Christie's Mum's The Word - My kids have moved out – so why isn’t my nest empty?

From sofas to curtains, the furniture just keeps coming

New sofa? Nothing wrong with the old one. Mum's the Word. J Christie

Despite Youngest Child’s recent bungee jump and the fact Eldest Child sees nothing wrong in spending an entire afternoon gaming while Middle practically sleeps with his skateboard I’m forced into the realisation that my offspring and their friends are well into adulthood and nesting.

First Middle brings me a table his mates want rid of because they’re upgrading as their family expands. Gulp. These grown ups are people whose nappies I changed (although obviously we don’t talk about that because they’ll have forgotten, and it would be weird).

“And if this doesn’t work I have another two - I’m re-organising,” he says, then roars off in his van, leaving me with a table top and four legs. Too big so I hide them behind the sofa and go back to watching Succession.

My offspring seem determined to get my house in order. Youngest Chilid on a roll. Mum's the Word. Pic: J Christie

Next Youngest arrives with unwanted curtains from a friend with a new colour scheme.

“You were talking about getting new curtains,” she says.

Exactly. Talking about. For the past two winters, but there’s no rush. We have blinds.

“These are exactly the colour I painted the wall,” she says.

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Not true. The evidence is splashed on my joggies.

She unfurls the curtains with a flourish and climbs up to the rail to check the fittings.

“Aw, let’s not put them up now. I’m going to see Barbie or Oppenheimer with my friend,” I say.

“When you’ve done your chores,” she says. “We don’t have curtains!”

“It’s Scandi minimalism!”

“It’s Edinburgh cold.”

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Later Middle Child is back with a sofa.

“Just done a removal with the van. This was going to the recycling. My friends’ old two seater. Let’s unload it and try it out.”

It’s true I’ve been looking for a smaller sofa since downsizing during Covid. Best time to move. With everything stuck in storage I was blissfully sans furniture/avec pallets (two for a bed, one for a sofa), then lockdown lifted, the furniture arrived, and was too big.

Middle and I wrangle the sofa indoors, sit on it, drink tea. Then he leaves me gazing at the old one. What to do? Go back to Succession.

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My phone pings. Middle: “Send me pics of old sofa and we’ll get it online.”

“Will do,” I text back.

Him: “Best do it now. Also I have two rugs, take a look. And a different table.”

What’s wrong with these people? I remember when they were fun.