Identity politics is in our classrooms but only because culture war idiots put it there

It’s one thing to be transphobic, it’s another to make up complaints entirely.

There is an extensive and concerted campaign against trans people in Britain, where much of the media has collectively lost its minds.

The debate has gone from “the UK Government could back gender recognition reform with amendments” to conspiracy theories finding themselves in actual newspapers.

To see just how far we’ve stumbled into the satirical world of Chris Morris, consider the latest drama, a furore over a child identifying as a cat.

At a school in Sussex, a recording was made in which two students were reported to stand up to a teacher who defended a fellow pupil who “identified as a cat”.

The moral panic was immediate, with Tucker Carlson, recently ousted from Fox News, putting it up on his youtube channel before it filtered into mainstream British outlets. It then appeared on GB News, with former Apprentice contestant Michelle Dewsbury popping up on GB News, dressed as a cat, to mock the Year 8 pupil.

There was also a string of interventions from Katharine Birbalsingh, who purports to be the nation’s "strictest head teacher” as she makes media appearance after media appearance attacking things that haven’t actually happened.

Things were so serious the UK Education Secretary Gillian Keegan has ordered an investigation into the school, while on Tuesday, Downing Street told headteachers that they should not be teaching children that they can identify as cats or other animals. That’s right, a Government minister, presumably with real things to do, wrote to a school about someone saying they were a cat.

The problem is, not that anyone who wanted to be outraged cared to check, at no point does a teacher refer to any child identifying as a cat. While there is debate about being cats, or cows, all of this is only mentioned by pupils. The school itself added none of its pupils “identify as a cat or any other animal”.

Also, and this will surprise people, 12-year-olds like to mess about, not everything they say is serious. One boy at my school used to come dressed as Batman, and ask to be referred to as such. He does not now fight crime to avenge Bruce Wayne’s dead parents, but instead is a PE teacher. I was quite partial to saying I was a Ghostbuster, but in later life my experiences with spirits has been limited to vodka.

But none of that matters to the culture war activists, desperate for a new way to punch down on trans people, shamefully linking the real experience of gender dysphoria to identifying an animal, just like US Republicans claimed gay marriage could lead to human-animal unions.

Copy needs to be filed, anger needs to be generated, and the real impact of such a lazy debate is spared on them, while trans people see their lives as yet another punchline for clicks.

A pupil have been exploring their identity, they may have been joking, the truth is we do not know. But that hasn’t stopped people jumping on it to spark outrage, putting their culture war ahead of equality. Happy Pride, everyone.