I found Edinburgh's best Christmas lunch in this magical woodland setting

I think of Christmas as a single day, rather than an entire season.

Thus, I wasn’t exactly singing Mariah Carey songs all the way along to Wilkieston sculpture park, Jupiter Artland, to try their Festive Lunch, cooked by executive head chef, David Millar, and available in Cafe Party every Friday, Saturday and Sunday, noon until 5pm, until December 1.

This isn’t the only thing happening in their Winter Series. 

There will also be Winter Wonderland lunches and dinners in the ballroom, Festive Feasts with guest chef Barry Bryson, plus wreath and decor workshops and the popular and family-friendly annual market on December 7 and 8. 

I always associate this destination with the summer and it’s odd being here without my hallirackit nieces in tow. 

The leaves are Irn-Bru coloured and the squirrels are acting like stressed commuters at rush hour. 

The destination’s sheep - some sort of rare breed, which resembles kawaii pandas - are grazing in the parkland. 

Outside the cafe, two peacocks and a snowflake white peahen are waiting to greet us.

My anti-Christmas resolve is already fading, when I see how twinkly it looks inside. Perhaps I won’t be like an Arctic Roll - frozen in the middle - for long. 

Cafe Party inside | Gaby Soutar

The menu is themed, but subtly-so. No turkey, no chipolatas, no crackers. Good. I have enough mini packs of playing cards. 

While I sip a Cranberry and Rosemary Aperol Spritz (£10) - another summery thing, made perfectly wintery, with the addition of festive trimmings - we decide to go for all three starters on the £35 for three courses menu (excluding sides and drinks), because, YOLO (Yule Only Live Once). 

There isn’t a dud to unwrap. I wouldn’t regift any of these. 

The russet-coloured roasted Muscadel pumpkin soup, with a slab of sourdough and some hazelnut butter on the side, throws shade on every cobbled-together working-from-home lunchtime soup we’ve ever had. This balsamic-y broth is so intense, with crumbly autumnal interest in its depths - crispy sage leaves and toasted hazelnuts. Gorgeous.

We also love the North Sea crab option. It features this beastie’s upturned carapace, filled with a mixture of meat, chives, tiny nibs of tomato and a ‘heather smoked butter sauce’ that’s richer than Palmer’s body lotion. It works perfectly with the accompanying pad of canary yellow sweet brioche.

Crab dish at Cafe Party | Gaby Soutar

The terrine of ham hough and guinea fowl is a pink meaty marbled tile, which is dotted with mustard seeds and carrot and served with zips of flavour from tart gooseberries and tiny pickled veggies.

Although the main courses include a tempting-sounding risotto of cep and black truffle, we go for the cod and the Bonnington House lamb.

The red meat option - a shredded shoulder in a tarry molasses-y sauce - is glorious. There’s also a little layered potato accompaniment - a perfect triangle balanced on its side, like a supermarket sandwich - and a crumbed haggis bon-bon, with greenery provided by crushed peas and lettuce. 

The roasted fillet of fish is a salty fella, served in a little bowl and flanked by two mussels in the shell. It comes with a paprika-ish sauce of borolotti beans, squash, courgette buttons, and more chunky mussels.

We probably didn’t need the side of truffled cauliflower (£6), but, IT’S CHRISTMAS, as Slade might screech.

There’s a helping of Baron Bigod cheese for afters or the choice of two puddings. 

Both are bangers. I had the chocolate mousse, dotted with fat brambles, and topped with salted caramel ice-cream, and he went for his fantasy dessert of pear and frangipane tart with Chantilly cream. I’m hoping to steal a couple of his crumbs, to feed to the peacocks later, but his beak is too fast

I’ve been busy, too. I’m not sure how I also managed to demolish all the gorgeous tooth-sticking Florentines that came with my macchiato (£3), but I did.

A visit to the park (usually £12 admission) is included with these lunches.

We walked off our food, with a full circuit of the completely empty park, and paid tribute to the new video work in the stables - Kialy Tihngang’s Neyinka and the Silver Gong - and then worked out way around old familiars like Quarry by Phyllida Barlow, Suck by Anish Kapoor and Stone House by Andy Goldsworthy.

They all looked so different, on a cool November afternoon., while the sky was steel grey

“You’re very quiet,” my other half said. Unusual, indeed, but I was wondering if they’d be doing these lunches next year, and if we could make it an annual tradition.

If Christmas is just a day, then I choose this one. 

For more information, see www.jupiterartland.org