January, the longest month. Despite March, May, July, August, November and December being 31 days too, it’s the one that’s always out in the cold.
But this year instead of moaning (about being skint, cold or vitamin D deprived, I’ll follow the advice of a midwife when I was pushing out Eldest, and which is applicable to most life situations: “How about taking all that energy you’re using to scream and use it to push.”
Also, to paraphrase Allen Carr who’s inspired me to stop smoking more than once, or was it Paul McKenna - if you take all the effort expended in feeding your habit, whether it’s smoking, sugar, shopping, substances or in this case moaning, and use it to stop, then it’s a piece of cake. Well, maybe not cake.
“Why not cake?” says Youngest Child, who has never been on a diet in her life and goes by the sobriquet of Two Teas. “I’d like some. I think I’ve lost weight. Look at this waistband.”
“Well done,” I’ll say, misreading the room.
“What? I don’t want to lose weight. I WANT big thighs. And a big bum.”
“Sorry. Can’t help it,” I say. “I grew up at a time when everyone wanted to be skinny.”
“Yeah, back in fashion history time all the images were of very thin people,” she says. “Been studying this at uni. Did you not have ANY bigger role models?”
“Don’t think so.”
“No images of normal people? If they don’t show people that look like me and my friends in the clothes on the website I won’t buy them. Skinny, bigger and inbetween.”
And that’s a lot of consumer cash. WFH I’m on first name terms with her army of delivery folk.
“But still,” I say, “If one of my friends has been on a diet…”
“Diet! ” she scoffs.
“Yes, and said they’re trying to lose weight, it’s OK for me to say well done if they have. I know they want me to.”
“I don’t think we should comment on anyone’s body at all,” she says. “Just say if someone’s looking good. Steer clear of appearance altogether,” she says.
“Except maybe if someone’s had their hair done,” she says and strokes her new icy blue locks. “That’s different.”
“Ah yes. Your hair looks fabulous. That colour. Winter tones. Just perfect for January.”
“Exactly. I’m loving the blues.”
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