Hilarious Fringe Jokes: Here are 100 of the funniest jokes from the last 10 years of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

These are the jokes that have had comedy fans guffawing in Edinburgh in recent years. | Canva/Getty Images

Comedian Andrew Maxwell famously once called the Edinburgh Festival Fringe ‘exams for clowns’, and each year it’s the comics with the best jokes who get the ‘A’ grades.

The Edinburgh Comedy Award (formerly the Perrier Award) is handed out each year to the top clown in the class, but since 2008 is has been joined by The Funniest Joke of the Fringe Award.

Presented by television channel Dave, each year a shortlist of 10-15 jokes is drawn up, with the general public voting for the eventual winner.

So, here are - officially - the 100 funniest Fringe jokes of recent years.

1. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah. (Lorna Rose Treen)
2. The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’ (Liz Guterbock)
3. Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now. (Amos Gill)
4. When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it’s called a podcast. (Sikisa)
5. I thought I’d start off with a joke about The Titanic — just to break the ice. (Masai Graham)
6. How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag. (Frank Lavender)
7. My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He’s Costa-phobic. (Roger Swift)
8. I entered the ‘How not to surrender’ competition and I won hands down. (Bennett Arron)
9. Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch. (William Stone)
10. My grandma describes herself as being in her ‘twilight years’ which I love because they’re great films. (Daniel Foxx)
11. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta. (Masai Graham)
12. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next-day delivery. (Mark Simmons)
13. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock. (Olaf Falafel)
14. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I – but it is the same house and it is the same family. (Hannah Fairweather)
15. I hate funerals – I’m not a mourning person. (Will Mars)
16. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back. (Olaf Falafel)
17. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx. (Richard Pulsford)
18. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery. (Tim Vine)
19. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate. (Sophie Duker)
20. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days. (Will Duggan)
21. I thought the word 'Caesarean' began with the letter 'S' but when I looked in the dictionary, it was in the 'C' section. (Masai Graham)
22. My therapist told me, 'A problem shared, is a hundred quid'. (Ivor Dembina)
23. Me and my ex were into role play. I'd pretend to be James Bond and she's pretend she still loved me. (Tom Mayhew)
24. The roman emperor's wife hates playing hide and seek because wherever she goes Julius Caesar. (Adele Cliff)
25. Marvin Gaye used to keep a sheep in my vineyard. He'd herd it through the grapevine (Leo Kearse)
26. Getting a caesarian is dangerous in Russia. If they open you up and find a little girl, they open her up to see if there's another. (Ben Clover)
27. My grandparents were married for forty years, but everything took longer back then (Will Mars)
28. I think Chewbacca is French because he understands English but refuses to speak it. (Sameer Katz)
29. I don't know what you call a small spillage from a pen but I have an inkling. (Richard Pulsford)
30. People say zoos are inhumane. But that's because they're for animals. (Sameer Katz)
31. I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets. (Olaf Falafel)
32. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. (Richard Stott)
33. What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh (Milton Jones)
34. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. – That’s 20 cows'. (Jake Lambert)
35. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. (Ross Smith)
36. Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning (Ross Smith)
37. I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. (Adele Cliff)
38. After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging (Richard Pulsford)
39. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian (Mark Simmons)
40. I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts (Ivo Graham)
41. Working at the JobCentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day. (Adam Rowe)
42. I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring. (Leo Kearse)
43. I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed. (Olaf Falafel)
44. In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me. (Daniel Audritt)
45. What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens? (Flo and Joan)
46. I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts. (Darren Walsh)
47. Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project. (Justin Moorhouse)
48. I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it. (Adele Cliff)
49. Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off? (Alex Edelman)
50. I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time. (Laura Lexx).
51. I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. (Ken Cheng)
52. Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book. (Frankie Boyle)
53. I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point? (Alexei Sayle)
54. I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her. (Lew Fitz)
55. I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated. (Andy Field)
56. Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant. (Mark Simmons)
57. I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it... (Jimeoin)
58. I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house. (Ed Byrne)
59. I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine. (Olaf Falafel)
60. Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences.’ I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’. (Alasdair Beckett-King)
61. A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event. (Angela Barnes)
62. As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer. (Adele Cliff)
63. For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it. (Phil Wang)
64. I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark. (Adam Hess)
65. I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act. (Tim Vine)
66. My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart. (Masai Graham)
67. Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one… (Stuart Mitchell)
68. I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10. (Mark Watson)
69. Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit. (Mark Smith)
70. I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer…came second. (Will Duggan)
71. Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated. (Tiff Stevenson)
72. I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words. (Gary Delaney)
73. Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor. (Adele Cliff)
74. Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money? (Annie McGrath)
75. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask. (Jordan Brookes)
76. Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first. (Michelle Wolf)
77. I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound. (Roger Swift)
78. Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer. (Arthur Smith)
79. I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses. (Zoe Lyons)
80. Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word. (Phil Nicol)
81. I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free. (Darren Walsh)
82. Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West. (Stewart Francis)
83. Surely every car is a people carrier? (Adam Hess)
84. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. (Masai Graham)
85. If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go. (Dave Green)
86. Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas. (Mark Nelson)
87. Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day. (Tom Parry)
88. The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves. (Alun Cochrane)
89. Clowns divorce: custardy battle. (Simon Munnery)
90. They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for. (Grace the Child).
91. I've decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust. (Tim Vine)
92. I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set. (Masai Graham)
93. Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief. (Mark Watson)
94. I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s. (Bec Hill)
95. I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me. (Ria Lina)
96. Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal. (Paul F Taylor)
97. Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying. (Scott Capurro)
98. I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame 'cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole. (Kevin Day).
99. I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven. (Jason Cook)
100. This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it. (Felicity Ward)