Beauty: Crest of the Cliff, St Andrews

Those who regularly sport Argyll jumpers might call me a Philistine, but when I visit the wonderful Fairmont hotel in St Andrews, which boasts two of the best golf courses in the world on its doorstep, it's for the spa, not the green. As far as I'm concerned, this beauty retreat is the main attraction; a place where golfing widows and widowers can relax and ponder the tragedy of a good walk spoiled.

Its fragrant foyer features products from the likes of NEOM Organics, as well as a maze of corridors, with 12 treatment rooms with evocative names such as Thistle, Highland, Willow and North Sea, in which you can enjoy a menu of therapies inspired by the surrounding landscape. For example, I chose Crest of the Cliff, a 120-minute package which involves a full body scrub followed by a hot stone massage.

Before this tees off, one changes into a fluffy robe in the changing area, before transferring into the low-lit relaxation lounge, which boasts comfy recliners and a tray of homemade sugar-dusted shortbread (I took two).

After you've been led into the designated treatment room, the therapy starts with a foot and leg exfoliation using the Highland Soap Company's Rosemary and Wild Nettle Body Scrub. Don't expect any piddly little grains in this potion, it's full of huge chunks of sea salt to get the circulation pumping. I sipped a cup of peppermint tea, while my puffy cankles were descaled.

Then it was time to jump onto the tartan-blanket-covered bed, to be scrubbed down from top-to-toe, using the same robust product. My therapist, Keeley, also spritzed me with Kerstin Florian's Krauter Chamomile Body Spray, before rubbing handfuls of exfoliant all over my skin, paying special attention to gnarly areas, such as the back of elbows or heels.

After I'd rinsed this off in the shower cubicle, my skin was rather pink, but felt as smooth as a Tiger Woods' chat-up line. It also seemed as if it was suitably prepped in order to soak up the light oil that Keeley chose for my massage. To really loosen up my muscles, she used small hot stones, which were gently pressed into the contours of my neck and shoulders, before being swept across the back of my body – and then the front. All the while, there was soothing Celtic music in the background.

Back in the relaxation room and I felt as if I'd ascended a new plane of tranquillity. Until, that is, I picked up the only magazine that was left in the rack –Bunkered. Yes, there's no getting away from golf at the Fairmont (but you can have a lot of fun trying).

Crest of the Cliff, 190 for 120 minutes,

Fairmont, St Andrews (01334 837 000, www.fairmont.com)