Week in, week out

ASSORTED BISCUITSALLAN Preston, antagoniser-in-chief of Hibs fans, was on Easter Road duty again for BBC Radio Scotland's Open All Mics slot on Saturday, and was the butt of much of his colleagues 'banter' during the cup tie with Irvine Meadow.

The former Hearts player, whose voice often has the same effect as a dog whistle, was troubling the ears of Derek Riordan's dug Big Fat Bruce five miles away as he worked his way up the octaves while Irvine put the Hibby-jeebies up the home team. It was almost too much for the man, and his excitement caused much hilarity among the team, prompting one of them to break out his 'Biscuits' nickname (so-earned because he used to go to pieces in the box, whereas now its just the commentary box).

Preston revealed that his mum doesn't approve of the name Biscuits and would be texting the show to complain – if she knew how to text. The wit and repartee may have been up to its usual gripping Perrier-award winning standard, but it didn't stop our WIWO column's mind drifting to the big question: if Allan Preston was a biscuit what would he be? Is he a fruit shortcake, flapjack, HobNob or just a half-baked wafer. The wagon wheels have come off when we stoop to this sort of thing, but answers on a biscuit wrapper to the usual address please – and Mrs Preston is welcome to enter.

EAR WE GO

NAPOLI fans are planning to raise cash to make a bid to buy Diego Maradona's earring, which was confiscated by Italian authorities in September as part payment for his tax arrears.

The piece of jewellery, taken while Maradona was in Italy at a weightloss clinic, will be put up for auction next week with a starting price of around 4,000 expected.

"Let's have a collection," Napoli fans, who adore the Argentina coach after he inspired the club as a player to Serie A titles in 1987 and 1990, have written on a supporter website.

SUCK IT AND SHUI

FORMER England cricketer Geoff Boycott doesn't strike you as a 'new age' kind of guy but he surprised everyone last week when he urged Michael Owen to try the ancient Chinese art of feng shui in a bid to get his World Cup ambitions back on track.

The Manchester United striker has not played for his country since March 2008 due to injury and because he has been out of favour with international coach Fabio Capello. United fan Boycott, who is in South Africa covering the current Test series, says feng shui was a big help to him when he was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2002 and has told the player to try it out.

"I wrote to Michael Owen a while back to say, 'look at this and see what you think'," Boycott said. "I have seen him play and he needs that little spark which maybe this can give him. He hasn't replied to my letter yet but if he does I will put him in touch with some experts in feng shui and see where that takes him. During treatment for cancer I got into feng shui. I slept in different rooms, facing different ways. They believe that as you sleep you heal. People who don't know anything about it say it is rubbish but it worked for me – I'm alive."