I want politicians to forget John McGinn cartoon bum post-its and placating Scotland at Euro 2024

Why the election campaign should stay away from the beautiful game

Just before Keir Starmer touched down in Scotland to begin campaigning here, his aides might well have been scurrying up and down the aisle yelping: “Mention the football! You’ve got to mention the football!”

The previous day Rishi Sunak mentioned the football in Wales which had been totally the wrong thing to do. The first blunder of the hustings by either man and one which Labour immediately exploited on TikTok where they’re keeping a record of their rival’s clangers in a skit based round a child’s diary.

Well, Starmer chose not to talk football in a land where the team have qualified for the Euros, as opposed to a land where the team have missed out. A good thing, I reckon. There is little point in Starmer being smug about getting one up on Sunak (though undoubtedly there will be times when both will seek to achieve this). Further slip-ups will happen en route to election day (and undoubtedly by both camps). But football right at this moment seems frivolous, given all the far more pressing concerns, and I don’t know about you but I can’t stand it when politicians get the ball out.

Britain's Prime Minister Rishi Sunak (L) talks with England striker Harry Kane back in October.

It’s like Diana Ross getting the ball out, if you remember her World Cup opening ceremony fluff when attempting to score from the Tam “Jaws” Forsyth memorial distance of nine inches. Tony Blair got the ball out, tried to keep it in the air with his head, rattling enough brain cells to convince himself he’d once seen “Wor” Jackie Milburn play. And most notoriously David Cameron mixed up West Ham United with his truly-madly-deeply always-and-forever, rain-and-shine, ra-ra-ra favourites Aston Villa. Honestly I’d be more likely to believe that Cameron submitted to that – alleged – secret society induction malarkey with a pig than accept he’s interested in football.

Why do they do it? To appear relatable, in touch. To demonstrate they understand us, know what moves us. To seek to share in our simple pleasures. The politician proclaiming allegiance to a football team has replaced the politician kissing babies. One day, mentioning football on the stump will be regarded as hackneyed, hoary and risible. Just not quite yet. And certainly not when there’s a major international tournament on the near horizon.

The July 4 election is slap-bang in the middle of the Euros’ squeaky-bum time. England will have just played their round of 16 game having come through what for them is the usual straightforward group stage (2014 World Cup apart). Us? Who knows, we might have qualified, too. Up until then, though, and beyond, if there’s to be a Dreamland scenario for Steve Clarke’s boys, the apparatchiks will be reminding Sunak and Starmer: “Don’t forget Scotland. Don’t talk about the Three Lions without saying something nice about them, too.”

Perhaps Post-Its with cartoon images of John McGinn’s bum will be slapped on Labour and Conservative glad-handing itineraries as little reminders. Though Starmer in particular, given how a revival of Labour’s fortunes north of the border is vital for getting him to No 10, shouldn’t really need them.

Sir Keir Starmer, Leader of the Opposition and Leader of the Labour Party, looks on as he takes his seat prior to Manchester United v Arsenal earlier this month.

I don’t doubt that Starmer is a football man. He plays five-a-sides and his team are Arsenal. Even though it’s a long time since George Graham, Frank McLintock, Bob Wilson, Eddie Kelly, Peter Marinello, Alex Cropley, Willie Young and Charlie Nicholas played for the club, with Kieran Tierney currently still technically a Gunner, he should be aware of the Scots heritage. Sunak as a bona fide Southampton fan I’m less sure about. It doesn’t matter if he’s not a committed follower of football but no politician should try to fake it. Real fans see right through such attempts – there are no greater pedants anywhere, or more forensic examiners of credentials – although I guess we should expect him to pop up in the Wembley crowd today for England’s Championship playoff final.

The TV cameras panned frequently to Gordon Brown during the first leg of Scotland’s Premiership playoff final at Stark’s Park where the former PM was watching his beloved Raith Rovers. As a boy Brown sold match programmes and the last time I interviewed him, admittedly on the subject of football, he insisted on reeling off the entire Rovers team – goalie Charlie Drummond through to outside-left Johnny Urquhart – from that late 1950s era. Impeccable fan credentials, then, and last Thursday he might have allowed himself a quiet smirk at the prospect of football becoming a political football over the next six weeks. But the truth is that during his time as premier he got caught up in the whole silly ritual.

Asked to nominate his favourite England goal, he chose Paul Gascoigne. Yes, the one against us at Euro 96 – a flick into the air to leave Colin Hendry looking like he was drowning, then: whoomph. He was criticised for that by the Tartan Army and the SNP – of course he was – but at the time I thought: good on him, the bigger man, the generous fan, and it was a stupendous strike. Unless, of course, it had been a cunning ploy to endear himself to English voters.

You can understand why politicians would do this, and especially those seeking election – I just wish they wouldn’t. Parliament dissolved, they suddenly find themselves on doorsteps or factory forecourts or, in the case of Starmer on day one, at Gillingham FC. Football is simply too seductive for an easy, quick, populist hit. Let’s just be grateful – true fans and maybe also those who don’t care about the game – that there’s not going to be a televised leaders’ debate every single godforsaken week and soon the big tournament will begin.