How to heal as a couple: 5 ways to support each other after an abortion, from Gynaedoctors

Choosing to have an abortion can be a difficult and emotional decision. It’s normal, therefore, to face a few hurdles in your relationships before and after the procedure, but it’s also possible to come out the other side stronger.

By learning to support one another, you can make healing as a couple an easier journey.

Learn how abortion recovery as a couple can be healthy and bring you closer than ever with these supportive tips.

1. How to prepare before the procedure

Thoroughly researching the abortion procedure can help you and your partner prepare. Start by looking into what to expect, including the ins and outs of surgical terminations and what you need to do before and after the procedure.

As the person having the abortion, this will give you a clearer idea of what you need to ask of your partner.

As the supportive partner of someone having an abortion, you’ll have more knowledge of how you can help before, during, and after the procedure.

For example, after a surgical termination, you’ll be in the ward for a few hours. During this time, your partner might be able to sit with you and provide emotional support. You’ll also need your partner to help you home, be that by driving you or arranging a taxi for you both.

After the procedure, you might experience bleeding and cramps. This makes it vital that your partner can carry out tasks - such as cooking and cleaning - so that you can rest.

2. Practice open communication and active listening

Open communication is vital during the healing process. You need to be honest with each other about your feelings and needs.

For example, if you’re having an abortion, make it clear what you expect from your partner in the days and weeks after. This might include more help around the house, emotional support, and plenty of affection.

If you’re the partner, you can also express your needs. This might include an hour or two to yourself every day to process the experience, as well as the same level of emotional support you’ll be giving your partner.

Be sure to practice active listening when you talk, too. This technique ensures you hear everything your partner says, and will help both of you feel heard and understood.

Active listening techniques include:

Not multi-tasking during your discussions
Maintaining eye contact when you’re listening to one another
Nodding and maintaining open, supportive body language
Never interrupting
Asking questions to ensure you understand your partner
Repeating what’s been said to show you understand

3. Communicate with empathy

Talking will be a crucial part of your healing. When discussing the termination, make sure you communicate with empathy.

This includes striving to understand what your partner is saying or feels, even if it’s not something you feel.

For example, if you’re not upset after the abortion but your partner is, you must sympathise with their emotions rather than trying to push them to be okay.

A great way to show empathy is by acknowledging your partner’s feelings with compassion. As they talk, validate their feelings by saying “I understand that you feel this way” and show support through physical compassion, like holding their hand and being present.

You might also carry out acts of service in response to their feelings. For example, if your partner tells you they’re tired from the experience, you might make them their favourite dinner and do the washing up so they don’t have to worry.

Be patient, be present, and be accepting.

4. Understand Each Other’s Boundaries

It’s normal for partners to have different boundaries in the aftermath of an abortion. Outline what these are to make productive communication easier.

One of you, for instance, may want to talk frequently about what’s happened, while the other partner may find this triggering. As a compromise, set aside certain times to talk. This allows you to share your feelings while also giving your partner the break they need.

5. Find Professional Support

Healing as a couple after an abortion can be difficult. It’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions, including anger, stress, and guilt, which can put a strain on your relationship.

If you’re struggling to deal with the situation together, consider looking for professional support. This could involve couple’s therapy sessions, which are common after an emotional event. You might also benefit from individual cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), helping you process the grief, manage anxiety and understand your emotions.

Final thoughts

Being able to communicate with, listen to, and support your partner before and after an abortion can help you heal together. We hope the advice we’ve shared in this article will help you to come out of the experience stronger and more connected.