Weird Week: Zombie gran, Hulk’s sex tape, and faeces fight

Some of the stranger stories from the news this week.

The above video needs no explanation. Darth Vader playing the bagpipes on a unicycle. What more do you need?

• Few things can scare you like a visit to your gran. Having to mind your language, listening intently to endless moaning about the country going to the dogs, wincing each time she mentions the Asian family across the street, and generally finding fault with everything you’ve done today. You’d think granparents couldn’t get any scarier.

So it must have been truly chilling when mourners found that 95-year-old granmother Li Xiufeng had crawled out of her own coffin to fix herself a snack after lying ‘dead’ for six days.

After neighbours in China’s Guangxi Province couldn’t wake her one morning and she appeared to have stopped breathing, they began preparations for the funreral.

Her body was left in the coffin in her family’s home so mourners could pay their respects, but after a few days neighbours were shocked when the body disappeared. She was then discovered cooking in the kitchen. Now the elderly Li Xiufeng will be scared that every time she closes her eyes she’ll be mistaken for a corpse. I’ll bet it happens to Bruce Forsyth all the time.

• Wrestling fans look away now. It was revealed this week that Hulk Hogan has a sex tape. The 58-year-old wrestling legend, real name Terry Bollea, is reportedly appalled that the video has surfaced as it was apparently made without his permission.

For all the little Hulkamaniacs out there it really must be heart-breaking. I’ve not seen it but I’m guessing instead of foreplay he just stands at the end of the bed doing his trademark Hulk poses while breathlessly singing Real American out of key, finishing of course with his signiature Leg Drop on the mystery brunnette in question.

Hulk isn’t sure who made the tape but it’s believed that it was filmed shortly after his divorce, a period in which Hogan says he was “running wild for a couple of months” with various women.

Which begs the question asked so many times by the man himself: “Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?”

• Remember Pokemon? About ten years ago the bizarre Japanese cartoon and video game was all the rage. Under the slogan “gotta cacth them all”, it encouraged kids to capture rare animals and trap them in small spaces before training them to fight each other.

I know, it sounds morally questionable when you say it like that. So you’ve got to wonder if entertaining children with such a twisted concept is really good for them in the long term. Well obviously not. As those kids, now grown up, apparently soiled the Pokemon computer game tournament in Birmingham this week by throwing human excrement at each other in a hotel hallway.

Reports suggest the Spanish team had a few too many ales in a nearby bar, before “redecorating” the corridor of their hotel much to the disgust of staff and guests alike. It’s little wonder that they were reportedly ejected from the premises. With popular Pokemon games being named after colours like the Red/Blue Editions, I’d be intruigued to see what colour Pokemon’s next ‘release’ will be.

• No one likes a bully. Only this week a poor elderly woman in Detroit revealed the heartache and anguish caused by the aggressor who won’t even let her leave the house. The weird bit? Her attacker is a giant turkey.

As this video shows, Godzilla the wild turkey roams Michigan’s Commerce Township by day, aggressively pecking, clawing, and chest-butting anyone he sees. He’s even tried to get into one neighbour’s car in order to continue his brutal assault.

Come Thanksgiving day lets see if Godzilla’s still feeling so cocky.

• Sexist trousers. Not something you hear a lot about. But a pair of man’s breeks has caused a fuss over the label which gives the correct washing instructions, followed by the alternative solution “ . . or give it to your woman, it’s her job.”

Men’s clothing retailer Madhouse were reportedly unaware that a product they sell featured such a slogan until now. Me neither, first I knew about it was when my mum phoned to ask what fabric softener I wanted on them.