When reality and horror collide, Youngest decides it’s time for action

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Janet Christie’s Mum’s the Word

Youngest is full of a horror show she’s been viewing...

“You might like it. I love horror (a result of too early exposure to Shaun of the Dead thanks to big brothers. Hey, we were staying in a woodland lodge, I was making the tea, they were all in the car to get a signal for their gadgets) but you might be OK with this one too. You managed The Haunting of Hill House...”

“Can I watch it with you (and hold onto your arm)?” I say.

“Yes. The series I’m on has topical stuff in it. Like Trump. Mix horror and reality.” Fine line.

“Does Boris feature? Not Karloff, Johnson,” I say. (The movie reference misses but she spears the crucial bit.)

“Boris!?” She doesn’t usually do politics (although she took a big dislike to David Cameron years back when he mooted unqualified parents in classroom as teachers. “What a cheek. People like you…” Back then her teachers were on pedestals – nowadays she divides them into ‘legend’, ‘good’, and ‘shouldn’t be in a job where they have contact with young people’.

Now Boris has incurred her disdain, 
what with her being the child of a ‘migrant’ – 40 years here (paying tax, national insurance) and counting, but who’s counting? Oh yes.

So with the Euro results in and May out, I’m telling her Boris might be PM.

“Him? Hmmph.”

“Well, you’ll be getting a vote so you can express your views at the ballot box.”

“I’m too young.”

“Not if there’s another indyref and if Boris is PM there might be one on the way.”

“Indyref. Is that STILL not sorted? They’ve been talking about that for .... TEN years!” Sigh. “I’ll get a vote? Right.”

Born and bred in Scotland, child of a ‘migrant’, she has dual citizenship and I see how this is going to go. She’s already vowed to use her new European passport – “although the picture’s RUBBISH, so sometimes I might use my British one cos my hair’s nicer, but not if the queue’s MASSIVE and people are going to be horrible.”

So faced with a collision of horror and reality, Youngest appears more testy than terrified. She won’t be fighting a zombie government with flamethrowers, chainsaws or even milkshakes – she’ll just take it in her stride and use her vote.