What matters to me: Dan Clark, comedian

Who would attend your fantasy dinner party?

If they were still alive, then I'd love to take Jack Lemmon, Nick Drake, John Martyn, Charlie Chaplin, Richard Pryor and Audrey Hepburn for a curry.

Who did you last text and what was the message?

Julia Davis (writer and actress from Nighty Night) to ask her how filming on Ricky Gervais's new movie is going.

It's not cool but...

I used to really like Kevin Costner. He's often mocked for his wooden acting, but I think he's made some brilliant films – No Way Out, The Untouchables, Dances With Wolves and JFK, to name a few. Will anyone ever forgive him for The Postman?

What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

Try the seabass. I did. It was delicious.

What's the worst job you ever had?

Handing out flyers in the street.

Who is your favourite fictional character?

I've just finished watching The Wire. I loved Omar, but that's too obvious. So I'll say Bunny Colvin. He's the cop who created Hamsterdam, a drug-tolerant zone. You'd want him to be your uncle.

What are you afraid of?

Flying. But I'm only afraid of flying because of the slight possibility of dying. So just dying.

Did you have a nickname growing up? No. I wanted one so badly. After Breakdance I tried to get people to call me Daz. It didn't catch on.

What makes you lose your temper?

Inanimate objects. A friend could tell me he'd slept with my girlfriend and stolen my money and I'd think: "Maybe I did something to deserve it." But if my printer jams, I start kicking and punching things.

What profession would you like to try?

Tennis player. I could wear a headband without looking like a tosser.

What is always in your fridge?

A half-empty bottle of pesto. It's been there for months. I must put it in the bin.

If you could travel back in time, where would you go?

Either Victorian London or the Wild West. I love the outfits of buxom wenches of those eras.

What would you change about yourself?

My indecisiveness. Or maybe not (see what I did there?).

Saturday night or Sunday morning?

Saturday night, although I'm in my thirties now, so I can't go out for a couple of gin and tonics and get to bed past midnight without feeling like crying the next day.

Who or what is the love of your life?

She who cannot be named. So I'll just say my iPhone.

• Dan Clark is in How Not To Live Your Life on BBC2, Mondays, 10pm. Series two starts on BBC3 at the end of the month.

• Interview by Gaby Soutar