Mothers say children should leave home before they’re 23

Researchers found that 22 years and nine months was the average age when most mothers wish their children had fled the nest, with one in four saying they would take active steps to try to speed up the process.

Life coach Joanne Mallon said she thought that mothers who felt their children should be living independently by 23 were “not unreasonable”, especially if they had been attending university before this age.

She said: “I think it’s important to make the point that it’s not just that the parent wants to kick back and get control of the television remote control again.

“It is a two-way thing. Parents hope that they’re raising their children as responsible adults and responsible members of society, and they won’t feel entirely successful in that until they’re out there living independently.

“But I think it’s something very difficult for the current generation because in the current economic climate, children just aren’t leaving home as early as they used to do.”

Ms Mallon acknowledged that there were also mothers and  fathers who were happy to maintain the old parent-child relationship, but felt that this was not doing either any  favours.

She said it was important for mothers particularly to regain their own lives, but said that this in itself could be daunting.

“Not everyone wants that because it can be a little bit scary, particularly for those mothers who have been at home for years. It’s important to look ahead to this, and I’m very conscious that if I make my life all about my kids, then what happens when they move out? It’s important to have other stuff going on in your life. It’s not healthy to have that sort of  interdependent relationship. An adult child is an adult first and foremost.”

The survey of 1,000 mothers aged 50 or over, conducted by mature retailer isme.com, also found 84 per cent already had planned for the soon-to-be  vacant rooms.

But parenting coach Judy Reith disagreed that there was a prescribed age by which all children should leave home: “It’s not about an age, it’s about each person and whether they’re ready to leave or not. I would always encourage parents to let them go more than you think you can, but if somebody is not ready to leave home by 23, it sounds as if the parents have been doing far too much for them for too long.”

Ms Reith added that it could be tough for parents to watch their children go through difficulties by themselves. “But our job is to see our children stand on their own two feet, and the sooner we can do that the  better.”