Luck be a lady from Dundee for gypsy king Alex

We in the inky trade have been waiting all summer for silly season to begin. But phone hacking, rioting, the end of Western capitalism, and the fall of Colonel Gaddafi have ensured that matters this July and August have been unusually serious. Thankfully, however, there is always the Scottish Parliament. And, while the leaves were already tumbling from the trees outside Holyrood’s chamber yesterday, within, at the first First Minister’s Questions of the new parliamentary term, we basked in the warm glow of an Indian silly summer.

There is a reason for this. Alex Salmond may have business to do – not least trying to ensure he keeps his date with destiny, but his two main rivals in the chamber, Labour’s Iain Gray and Annabel Goldie, the soon-to-quit leader of the soon-to-disappear Scots Tories, are de-mob happy. As Miss Goldie put it yesterday, she feels “unplugged”.

Actually, the unique Miss Goldie was never especially plugged in the first place. But for Mr Gray, the imminent lifting of the burdens of office has led to a transformation. The exam has been sat, failed, and now it’s as if he’s decided: “Ah, what the hell, screw exams anyway.”

On Wednesday, he wanted to tell everyone about the speech he made at his daughter’s wedding over the summer. Yesterday, he spoke about Alex Salmond and a fortune-telling gypsy called Amalia.

I am not making this up. Mr Gray told us he had been contacted by a friend during the week. This friend had been to see gypsy Amalia in Dundee to have his palm read. And in her caravan he had spotted a photograph of Amalia with Mr Salmond, which she had stuck up on her wall to pay witness to her brush with celebrity. Mr Gray’s friend had taken a photograph of the photograph and then sent it back to Mr Gray. I know. You want to know what this has got to do with First Minister’s Questions. Please – don’t feel as though you have to carry on reading: life is short enough. But anyway Mr Gray was reaching his point. Perhaps, he declared – brandishing the picture of Mr Salmond – it would be best to ask a fortune-teller like Gypsy Amalia when the SNP’s independence referendum would be, rather than the evasive First Minister?

This, it was clear, was meant to embarrass Mr Salmond. Visiting a palm-reader – fancy that? If not, what the hell anyway. But Mr Salmond is famously unembarrassable in these situations; it is one of his political strengths.

“It’s absolutely correct,” he yelled, in characteristically sarcastic tones. “In 2006 I visited her stall and she said the SNP would win the 2007 election”.

Cue howls of deranged laughter from his devoted back-benches. The primary school children in the galleries were feeling right at home.

Nevertheless, the bizarre exchanges rescued Mr Salmond yesterday who otherwise was somewhat off colour, trotting out a series of misfiring put-downs and one-liners that both he and his MSPs all found hilarious, but which the rest of us found mostly mystifying.

It also over-shadowed Mr Gray’s performance up till then which was far punchier than his performances prior to May’s election. Two days into the new parliamentary term, and it is clear that both he and Miss Goldie are already making hay with the fact that Mr Salmond won’t be holding his prized referendum until 2014 at the earliest.

This, despite the fact that, as finance secretary John Swinney had said earlier yesterday, the referendum is “the most important” measure that the Scottish Government will enact this parliament. This only begged the question, Mr Gray declared, as to why Mr Salmond wasn’t bringing it forward pronto.

Mr Gray had his own answer prepared: “He’s scared to let them have that say because he’s scared of the answer. Isn’t that the simple truth, First Minister?”

The SNP says it’s because they told people before the election it wouldn’t happen until the second half of the parliament. It is all now getting a bit weird: the pro-Union camp is demanding the referendum as soon as possible.

But the Nationalists, who say it’s the most important thing on their agenda, aren’t going to bring it on for at least three more years. Even more weirdly, both tactics make perfect sense.

Two leaders unplugged, one under-par, and a gypsy from Dundee. The silly season is over. Long live the silly season.