DRUMLANRIG

Never one to hide his light under a bushel, it has only taken 59 days for Alex Salmond to list the “achievements” of the new SNP government since its re-election.

Among its accomplishments, apparently, is the opening of the new section of the M74 – no mention of the fact that work was started three years ago. According to the SNP, Salmond’s brave new world has also seen reduced NHS waiting times and fewer road casualties. Remarkable stuff. Notable by their omission, however, were delayed sectarian legislation and an unseemly row with the legal establishment over the role of the Supreme Court.

BLOOMING ECK, OR IS THAT WINNIE?

The First Minister’s “greatness” has been further underlined by the unveiling of a bust of super Eck at SNP HQ. At the unveiling ceremony, a breathless Nicola Sturgeon described Salmond’s election win as “a political earthquake” that would be “studied by political theorists for years to come”. The bust was sculpted by David Annand, the artist responsible for the sculpture of Winnie Ewing also in SNP HQ.

Drumlanrig asked an SNP spokesman whether the new bust was a good likeness. “I dunno,” was the reply. “I’ve only ever seen it when I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. But it was done by the same guy that did Winnie’s, so it looks a bit like that one.” Madame Ecosse must be delighted.

TRINNY AND SUSANNAH … AND NICOLA TOO

The Queen’s visit to Holyrood was superb occasion for those who enjoy the sartorial flair shown by our MSPs. The Royal Stewart tartan kilt complete with drummer’s plaid and broach sported by Kevin Stewart, below, the new MSP for Aberdeen Central, was magnificent in its Brigadoonish splendour. His garb earned him the nickname “Bonnie Prince Kevin”.

MSPs thought long and hard about what to wear, so much so that Nicola Sturgeon’s sleep was interrupted by an anxious MSP wanting her to give him some Trinny and Susannah-style advice the night before. Humza Yousaf MSP wanted to ask her “just how formal will the day be”. In the end Yousaf settled for his traditional Pakistani sherwani, and very smart he was, too.

WILL THE REAL IAIN PLEASE STAND UP…

The secret of Labour’s victory in Inverclyde last week can be revealed: they fielded two Iain McKenzies. One was the real Iain McKenzie, now MP for the region. The other was his double, shadow defence secretary Jim Murphy. One Greenock grannie asked: “Are they brothers?” The pair now go down to Westminster to confuse people more. Should be useful for when one wants to dodge a debate.