Cameron's mission: He came, he saw, he faltered

IT WAS billed as the visit to put the Conservatives back on the political map in Scotland.

Instead, after being hijacked by rebellious candidates, atrocious weather and Celebrity Big Brother, David Cameron returned to London, bruised and battered by the experience.

The Tory leader decided to send out a message that he, and other senior Conservatives, were serious about Scotland.

They would hold a shadow cabinet meeting in Edinburgh and send senior front-benchers around the country to connect with the voters.

It must have seemed a foolproof idea when it was drawn up in the warm comfort of Conservative Central Office in London.

It did not seem that way as shadow secretaries of state from the Home Counties were battling snow, ice and driving rain in some of the most windswept and stormy weather Scotland has seen this winter.

The brutal weather delayed the Tory flights leaving Heathrow and the itinerary started to slip. In an effort to get the timetable back on track, Mr Cameron cancelled the press conference in Edinburgh - adding disgruntled journalists to the groups of Scottish voters who feel abandoned by the Tories.

Even the decision to fly the shadow cabinet up to Scotland ran into problems.

Last week, after all the flights had been booked, one of Mr Cameron's former shadow cabinet members, Tim Yeo, the chairman of the all-party environment audit committee, condemned the huge number of domestic flights in Britain and called for them to be taxed almost out of existence.

So when Mr Cameron arrived in Scotland, he was asked to explain how his decision to fly 13 MPs to Scotland sat with Mr Yeo's call for people to take other forms of transport.

Mr Cameron failed to explain that contradiction, merely stating: "What we need is a proper price for carbon in our economy and then people can make more informed choices."

The Tory leader had come up to try to promote his party's commitment to rehabilitation services in Scotland.

The party in Scotland promised yesterday to invest an extra 100 million in rehabilitation services to try to end the cycle of crime and drug addiction afflicting many.

However, this policy announcement was swept aside by a media pack which only wanted to know the answers to two questions: what did the Tory leader make of the rebellious candidate who had gone public that morning to attack Annabel Goldie, the Scottish Tory leader, and, more importantly, what did he feel about the Celebrity Big Brother racism row.

The maverick candidate was Peter Lyburn, the party's Holyrood candidate for Dunfermline West. Mr Lyburn decided to go public with his unflattering views about the party leadership on the day Mr Cameron arrived in Scotland.

He told BBC Good Morning Scotland: "I'm not being overly controversial in stating that what the party needs is a rejuvenation in leadership."

And he added: "Not necessarily somebody younger - somebody with a slightly more youthful attitude towards politics."

Mr Lyburn is not the only Tory candidate to have reservations about Ms Goldie's leadership. The lack of progress made by the party since she took over has led to mutterings from many quarters, but all the other candidates have kept quiet in public.

Mr Cameron then had to mount a stout defence of his Scottish leader.

He said Ms Goldie was doing an "excellent job" as leader.

And he added: "To me, Annabel Goldie absolutely epitomises that, she is the sort of person who will roll up her sleeves, get down to work and make sure the Scottish Parliament talks about the things that really matter in Scotland."

Then there was Big Brother. The row over Shilpa Shetty swirled around Mr Cameron all day yesterday like the snow.

What did he think?

He said: "

The regulator has got to consider a huge number of complaints, but we all as individuals have responsibilities. I've always said one of the best regulators is the off button, and people can go and switch it."

And that was it. The great Tory expedition to Scotland was over. Would it happen again?

"When we are in government," a spokesman said, with a smile.

OUR DYNAMIC DAVE GOES WALKING WITH DINOSAURS

IT'S AN ill wind that blows Tories north. But they breezed into Scotia yesterday. Dave Cameron and his shadowy cabinet fanned out across the nation, each armed with a compass and a guide to the local argot ("Away and bile ma heid? Yes, of course, madam"). From Aberdeen to Duns, they blundered about on Operation Jock. Dave had prayed for no Jock-ups, to coin an expression for the party's cock-ups in Scotland. But still they came. Somebody said most Scottish youngsters were pretty thick, and a young candidate in Fife dissed Annabel Goldie, implying today's youth could not identify with the matronly spinster.

Dave must have despaired as he arrived at Our Dynamic Earth, in Edinburgh, just across the road from Our Dynamic Parliament. ODE is a visitor attraction featuring dinosaurs. Though not normally as many as yesterday. Toryannosaurus Rex bounded up steep steps to the entrance. A gaggle of freezing hacks surrounded him. The Tories had decided to make their "major policy announcement" outside. One prominent shadow minister told a reporter they didn't feel the cold because "we're so fat".

Dave grabbed hold of Annabel, saying: "It's good to see you." We waited for Annabel to retort: "Unhand me, young man!" But she was pretty chilled, either through the cold or a desperate desire to appear unmatronly. Watch for the forthcoming makeover: Annabel in baseball cap and Nora Batty stockings.

Dave let Annabel blather on first about an investment in drugs programmes. Solid stuff, but it had been heavily trailed all day, and the press were bored by now. Where was the knockabout stuff about the Union?

Looking healthy, tanned and not at all Scottish, Dave would only say he was delighted to have brought his goons north to defend the controversial stitch-up. He took just two questions from the press: one about air pollution, which he denied contributing to, and one about the Big Brother house, which he has no plans to join. "I've always said that one of the best regulators is the off switch," he added.

Then he switched us off and told his goons: "OK, into the cabinet meeting!" Whereupon, the assembled suits tumbled down into the bowels of the building, back through evolution to begin at the beginning again.

ROBERT MCNEIL