Time to bring back the mammoths

Those who thought man-made global warming began with the onset of the motor car, air travel and the tumble dryer have serious cause to revise their opinions.

According to a new study, the rot set in 15,000 years ago when cavemen hunted mammoths to extinction. The demise of the mammoths set off a chain reaction, allowing forests of heatabsorbing birch trees to take the place of open grasslands. The trees change the colour of the landscape, making it darker, which absorbs more of the heat from the sun and warms the air. Presumably, with the help of DNA, we could recreate the mammals, let them loose in forests and woodlands of America, Europe, Scotland and Queen Street Gardens Edinburgh and - voila! - global warming is thrust into reverse.

But what of the knock-on effects? Whole swathes of Scotland would soon be invaded, and their gaseous emissions could kick-start global warming all over again. Waking up in Aberfeldy to find mammoths farting in the main street may not be everyone's idea of a solution. They would need to be fenced in, otherwise they could race down the A9. But the fences would need to be of such height as to render much of Scotland inaccessible. And, if mammoths are allowed back, what of giant bison? Perhaps we could start with a trial re- introduction in Argyll, warning them, of course, not to trample on the beavers.