Talk of the Town: Say 'I don't love you' this Valentine's Day

LASER clinic chain Laserase has a refreshingly practical St Valentine's Day offer – a free session to remove tattoos of ex-lovers' names at its Leith Walk surgery. Billed as "a Valentine's gift that will last a lifetime", it is the chance to erase your partner's romantic past before your very eyes.

Don't get too excited, though. The free offer only applies to the first laser session, and complete tattoo removal generally requires several, costing around 60 each. On the bright side, it could save you coming up with ideas for birthday and Christmas presents for the next few years.

Glasgow take skiing gold? Ghana no dae that!

EXPECT Edinburgh-Glasgow ski rivalry at the Winter Olympics. We're represented by Barnton's Andy Noble while from along the M8 comes Kwame Nkrumah-Acheampong, born in No Mean City while his Ghanaian dad was studying there. Kwame, who took up skiing six years ago while working at an indoor centre in Milton Keynes, takes great pride in representing Ghana and being the only black skier on the slopes of Mount Washington. But let's have no talk of Cool Runnings or Eddie the Eagle as he has qualified in his own right. Instead, heed the words of the local mayor who says: "This is like a Disney story unfolding." Oh dear, does Edinburgh's own have to kill Glasgow's Bambi to win gold?

Waylaid in Taiwan

YOU can take your yacht halfway round the world and into the open waters but you may still find yourself in a traffic jam.

The crew of Edinburgh Inspiring Capital – Scotland's entry in the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race – is currently racing towards Taiwan. But skipper Matt Pike reports that the yacht is "surrounded by thousands of tonnes of steel" with ships plying their trade up and down the South China Sea. Happily, said Matt:

"They have all been extremely courteous, altering course for us and often staying on VHF for a chat about the race. One even took a long detour around us to leeward rather than block our wind."

And he is staying positive about currently bringing up the rear in the race. "Slowly we will wind them in. Every plan has a down bit and this is the low point of ours. But we, wind willing, will start our climb back up the fleet and on to the Scoring Gate."

That's your slot, Precious

SOMETHING was clearly lost in translation. Alexander McCall Smith's latest novel is being printed first in Scots before an English "translation" is printed next year. Precious and the Puggies tells the story of his Number One Ladies Detective Agency heroine's younger days.Yet there is no mention of a misspent youth spent playing on fruit machines. The explanation apparently is that puggy meant monkey in old Scots long before the fruit machine was even invented.