Talk of the Town: Hill-dwellers get the hump about mumping

THEY may be near neighbours but it seems there's a huge gulf between the people of Calton Hill and the people of Broughton.

Monthly Broughton freesheet The Spurtle received a strongly-worded objection to the suggestion that the people of Calton Hill should stop "mumping" about plans to install a no-right-turn into Blenheim Place from London Road.

"We are a different sort of people on Calton Hill from your people," said the anonymous complainant. "It was a silly comment to make."

So the electric guitar is a substitute for a..rifle

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HOORAY for the internet. Where else would you turn to when you needed an electric guitar shaped like a rifle in fetching green camouflage shades, complete with fully functional sights with working red and green target dots? And all for just 125.

The seller on the Edinburgh Gumtree website assures any would-be rifle guitarist that it "plays well and sounds good". It goes without saying that it looks great too.

Imperfect match

THINK Welsh rugby and some will recall them losing a World Cup tie to Western Samoa and a wag cracking: "Good job it wasn't the whole of Samoa they were playing."

Some humility might be in order from tartan hordes heading for the valleys on Six Nations business this weekend, though, after Scotland's seven-a-side team lost in the Wellington tournament last Sunday to the Pacific island of Niue, often described as the "world's biggest raised coral atoll".

With Niue having a population of just 1,500 it was arguably Scottish sport's darkest hour . . . until along came the cricketers who yesterday lost to Afghanistan in a world twenty:20 qualifier.

Would Rockall or perhaps even St Kilda like a game of rugby sevens or cricket, perhaps?

Seals with a kiss

NEVER let it be said that the people of Livingston don't think of others.

Residents – led by MSP Angela Constance – have apparently thrown their full weight behind Scotland's new Marine Bill, despite their constituency being surrounded by land.

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The MSP said: "Although Livingston is one of the biggest land-locked constituencies in Scotland there has been a tremendous interest in this Bill from many local people.

"In particular, my constituents have been interested in seals and other precious wildlife as well as our stunning habitats. The Bill will introduce a new licensing and reporting system to toughen up protection for seals. Scotland is taking a tough and decisive action to protect seals."

So, seal lovers in Livingston can rest easy.