Talk of the Town: Crumbs! Bread wall is a real loaf scratcher

IT's not quite the Great Wall of China - it can't be seen from the road let alone space - but a new construction by the side of the Union Canal is still causing quite a stir.

People enjoying a stroll along the canal path have been stopped in their tracks by a bread wall, under a bridge on the canal near Meggetland.

The wall may be less than foot high and made entirely from sliced white bread, but residents are still concerned it could cause an obstruction -of hungry birds.

One passer-by who spotted the wall noticed a gang of ducks heading in for a snack, and was concerned a flock of birds might make the path impassable.

Although presumably with that many birds even the mighty bread wall won't last long.

Let's hope we're not sent homewards tae think again

SO, why did Andy Robinson, erstwhile English rugby coach, jump at the chance to extend his contract with Scotland through to the 2015 World Cup?

One suggestion made on Twitter by "Andy Ref", who is widely known to be Scottish rugby whistler Andy McPherson, was that, with the 2015 World Cup being held south of the border, the real motivation is for Robinson to head back to the country that sacked him in 2006 and claim the Webb Ellis Trophy for Scotland from under their noses. Ah, to dream . . .

Valentine's exposed

WITH Valentine's Day fast approaching, news has reached Talk of the Town that Edinburgh residents want more sex - and quickly!

According to website Gaydar, two-thirds of residents would like more sex, ideally of the "quickie" variety. And if all that sounds less than romantic, partners should be reassured that while the average quickie lasts around six minutes, an average "romp" for an Edinburgh couple is an entertaining 26 minutes.

Lording it for a day

REPORTERS seeking accreditation for next month's Calcutta Cup at Twickenham are being asked to select from a list of 19 different titles appropriate to their status.

The choices start with plain Mr and Mrs and run right through to Squadron Leader, Air Chief Marshall, Commander or even H.M. or H.R.H. - not that denizens of the press box have seen much of the Queen or Prince Charles sitting alongside them filing, say, 250 words for the palace blog.

One Scottish scribe is threatening to test the system by indicating he is generally known as "Baron Von . . .".