Susan Morrison: Let Maw Broon stick the boot into bus hooligans

Motherland statues were a hot deal for the old Soviet Union. They couldn't get enough of them. They usually had scary faces and uplifting mottos to inspire the proletariat to keep on believing this Communist stuff.

They aren't the only ones keen on big statues of women with uplifting mottos. Look at the Statue of Liberty, exhorting the world's nations to send their poor, their huddled, their oppressed.

Oh, wait, not you Mexico. Oh, and Philippines, no, you just stay right where you are. Unless we need nannies.

It's time Scotland had a Motherland statue, complete with a message to inspire this nation. Something a bit smaller, maybe a cross between Maw Broon and Hannah Gordon, holding high a Lothian bus and underneath the simple battle cry "Keep Your Feet Off The Seats".

Come on, people. Have a little consideration here. The streets of Edinburgh aren't paved with gold, it's something much nastier. Wiping the soles of your stained shoes on a seat someone will sit on is the sort of thing Stalin would have sent you to the gulag for.

So, Mr Salmond, it's over to you. It's either an uplifting statue of Mrs Broon or a Seat Tsar on the buses.