If more people believed in Nessie, our society would have a stronger bulwark against Islamist terrorism. Destroy the belief in Nessie and you destroy the Nessiean values upon which our country’s greatness lies.
It is also clear that, having survived for so long, Nessie is against assisted suicide, for if she were for it then in her loneliness she would surely have taken advantage by now, and against same-sex marriage, for the fact that she is reduced to a population of one is a vivid warning of how Scotland will end up now people can marry someone of their own sex.
Salos (Scottish Adherents of a Large Old Saurian)
Nessie is no myth. It is real, but it is not a monster. It is the prow of a scuttled Viking warship, which surfaces from time to time, as ably demonstrated by George F Campbell in his book The First and Lost Iona, A Secret History of Fort Augustus.
Also the “beast” seen by St Columba was not the monster, but a bear, an animal unknown to the Irish.