Mouthpiece: Welcome to the 'real world'

DO the phrases "at the minute", "back in the day' and "real world" put your teeth on edge? Does someone describing how they "were sat", given "a big ask" with "heads up" quietly convince you that the world is going to hell in a handcart?

If so, join the queue. The repeated use of meaningless, incorrect English or dull clich is ruining our language. No-one is fighting back!

When did people first "have issues" instead of being downright rude, aggressive or antisocial? Have we become frightened of direct communication or are we retreating into obfuscation and timidity?

The finger of blame can be pointed at middle ranking managers, who euphemise because they dare not offend and use "buzz words" to indicate their self-appointed specialness. These are the people that introduced "paradigm" without being able to define it and talk of 'joined up step changes' and 'solutions' - as in extorting payment from drivers and calling it "city centre parking solutions".

Admittedly, some of the pain comes from downright, old-fashioned misuse of the English language, but new practices have crept in so quickly, so universally, one suspects a conspiracy.

Television is to blame for the overnight clich, the mass instant adoption of new phrases that tumble from presenters' lips. Jonathon Ross could say "don't go there" and the next day half the country was using the phrase, along with "get a life" and "whatever".

English has a long tradition of nicking words from other languages. These days the US is our preferred source of imports. We used to speak of "going in to bat", but now it's "step up to the plate" though we've never seen a baseball game. "Enjoy!" is particularly grating. I need neither exhortation nor benediction to savour a cup of soup.

And what exactly is the "real world"? And am I in it? Don't go there.