Leader: Make the most of today

PERHPAS you will not get to relax in front of the TV this evening, or to enjoy tomorrow, maybe a day of recreation or gardening. If your weekend is so disrupted, then blame God and wonder why 99.99 per cent of the world never recognised that 89-year-old Harold Camping, a retired civil engineer from Oakland, California, was the true prophet of the Lord.

If so, then yea, and let it be known from this day and henceforth for ever more, that Mr Camping did calculate, with divine revelation from the Bible, and many complex calculations upon the word of God thereon, that the moment of the rapture would occur at 6pm (wherever you are in the world) on Saturday 21 May. And er, please ignore the previous revelation of rapture in 1994; that may have been a mistake caused by a satanic misprint.

Thanks to the miracle of Family Radio Worldwide and the ordination of the internet, many have heard the Word of Mr Camping, and have indeed decamped to parties, or just prayer meetings, to prepare. None may know if they are to be taken up in the rapture or cast into horrible places.

Sounds like a bit of a lottery. If you are still here tonight, at least there is the Lotto draw. With that, you know your number will never come up.