It's a dog's life

WE love them to bits, but there are limits, aren't there?

MAKING IT ON TO THE RICH LIST

Very few animals are born with a silver spoon in their mouths (the Queen's corgis excepted). Robert and Susan McIntosh's Akita dogs struck it lucky last month when their owners bought a Lucky Dip ticket from the Co-op in Alford, Aberdeenshire and won 4.4 million. But most pets come into their money late in life, either inheriting it from lonely, millionaire owners who hate their children, or earning it after landing big roles in movies or hit TV series.

In a rags-to-riches saga to rival Oliver Twist, Jasper – a Doberman Labrador mix – was days away from being put down when he was rescued from Battersea Dogs' Home by Ramsden Brewery heiress Diana Myburgh. Having inherited 25,000, he now has the run of a 1,236-acre estate, rides in a chauffeur-driven stretch limo and eats mussels, sirloin steak and Dover sole prepared by his personal chef.

Mary Burton, a church organist from Great Paxton, Cambridgeshire, left her 30,000 estate to the Wood Green Animal Shelter in Hertfordshire provided that staff gave her ginger cat Fluffy, a "home in the sun" and "a diet of fresh pilchards, steamed cod, tail ends, no bones, best lean roast beef and vegetables and only milk, no water".

But these animals' fortunes pale in comparison to that of Maltese white dog Trouble who was left $12 million by New York property and hotel tycoon Leona Helmsley in 2008 (although his legacy was a double-edged sword as a series of death threats led to him being moved to a safehouse).

Self-made millionaire Moose – aka Eddie, the Jack Russell from Frasier – netted 6,000 an episode, topping up his earnings with lucrative endorsements, until his death in 2006, while Free Willy star Keiko made 22m after being "discovered" at a theme park in 1992.

FOOD AND DRINK

Dogs who move in elevated circles cannot be expected to survive on a bowl of Pedigree Chum and a couple of dry biscuits. They expect gourmet food befitting their station – and luckily there's plenty of it about.

The Three Dog Bakery – a US chain, which has published its own canine cook book – uses only natural ingredients to produce meals such as lamb, sweet potatoes, green beans and rice, which can be eaten out of $1,000 diamond-encrusted ergonomic dog bowls.

Another chain, Just Dogs Gourmet, stocks cheese pretzels, hand-decorated treacle, apple and cinnamon biscuits, and sweets including peanut-butter cups and raspberry truffles.

An increasing number of cafs have a separate section for pets, complete with their own water supply. But customers can bring more sophisticated fare, such as Bark-a-chinos: a soya-based latte with mini donuts or Doggy Java, which looks like coffee and is served in a giant cup.

Some hotels and bars – with a so-called "licker" licence – even offer a "yappy" hour, where dogs can drink non-alcoholic beer such as Happy Tail ale, which is made in a real brewery with deep spring water and choice malted barley.

HEALTH

When it comes to their physical and emotional well-being, rich pets can be as demanding as any neurotic Hollywood starlet. Luckily, their need for a holistic approach to their health is being met. The Nefamol petcare range, for example, offers a daily dose of healthy stuff such as evening primrose oil, fish oil and vitamin E, while specialists – on both sides of the Atlantic – are now qualified to provide new age therapies such as massage, aroma therapy and reiki for highly-strung pets.

For those animals who find their new-found wealth a burden, there is also Reconcile, a kind of Prozac for pets who suffer from stress and other anxiety disorders.

Those whose problems are physical, rather than mental, could try the Lothian Canine Rehab Centre in Haddington, which offers pre- and post-operative programmes, weight loss and fitness plans and arthritis management. With its cardio machine, ultrasounds, MRI scans, a hydrotherapy pool and acupuncture, it provides the kind of intensive treatment more commonly associated with top footballers.

If that doesn't work, what about a health farm, such as the Dog House in north Wales, where pooches will enjoy the benefit of personal fitness trainers, daily swims, monitored diets and regular trips to the seaside or slimming clinics, such as Companion Care in Edinburgh, where pets who have been piling on the pounds are advised on diet and exercise.

GADGETS AND GIZMOS

As technology develops, so too does the array of gadgets on offer to the cat or dog in need of mental or physical stimulation.

Latch-key animals need not worry about going hungry or getting bored. The Japanese iSeePet360 is a food dispenser that allows owners to release a serving remotely by using a cell phone or computer, then watch their pet eat it via a webcam. Nor is a busy owner any excuse for getting out of condition, as a remote-controlled treadmill allows dogs to take indoor walkies at a speed of up to 3.1 miles an hour.

Stuck inside on a rainy day? Well-pampered cats can always point their meat or fish-infused remote control at their video player and watch a film about mice and birds. The Meowlingual and Bowlingual pet translators help owners respond to their feline and canine pets' needs by analysing the noises they make and grouping them into one of six categories: fun, frustration, menace, sorrow, demand and self-expression. Mobile phones which clip on to their collars allow clingier pets to hear their owner's voice during days of enforced separation. Why, even the carnal desires of the feted pet can be catered for. The hotdoll – a plastic, dog-shaped sex toy – is designed so your up-for-it canine can jump right on, and makes – the manufacturers insist – a great alternative to your favourite cushion.

WEDDINGS

Taking the lead from the likes of Jennifer Hudson and Nicole Richie, who insist their pets will walk down the aisle with them, and Elton John, whose dog Arthur was best man at his civil ceremony with David Furnish, it is becoming increasingly common for the rich and famous to ask their pets to pay a key role in their nuptials.

Female dogs are sure to look elegant in a ivory lace bridesmaid dress. Male dogs, on the other hand, may sport a shirt with a satin band around their "waists" to hold the ring or opt for their very own top hat and tuxedo.

Less common, but not unheard of, are actual pet weddings (Sigourney Weaver's Italian greyhound Petals married the greyhound next door). After two rare "diamond-eyed" Siamese cats, Phet and Ploy, struck up a special relationship, they tied the knot at a lavish $16,000 wedding at Thailand's biggest discotheque in 1996. The groom, Phet, was flown in by helicopter, while the bride arrived in a Rolls-Royce and they both wore matching pink outfits.

And it's not just the uber-rich pets who are at it.

Last year, a pair of Shih-tzus got "married" in Swansea in a lower-key ceremony complete with bridal dress, 20 guests, wedding gifts and vows. Owner Gayle Pascoe said the dogs would be having a honeymoon and she hoped the pitter-patter of tiny paws would soon follow.

HOLIDAYS

Choosy New York pooches in need of some R&R head for the city's ritzy Canine Carriage House, which offers a $175-a-night presidential suite for pups, with custom bedding, a toy chest, TV and an extensive video library. For a little more, canine guests can get a freshly-prepared dinner of chicken, lamb, steak, or ground beef with rice and vegetables. The Carriage House provides exercise and agility equipment and has a trainer and veterinarian on the premises.

But the Old Town Pet Resort in Springfield, Virginia, perhaps goes one better with hot-oil treatments, including a bath and grooming, for $85.

For pets who have their owners in tow, the ultimate experience must surely be Loews Hotels' one-night Presidential Pooch package, where dogs are served a specially-prepared feast of ground turkey, dried corn kernels, cooked sundried tomato fettucini and star-shaped pasta.

Closer to home, the Posh Paws Animal Hotel in Newark, Nottinghamshire, offers individual "five-star" rooms furnished with wrought-iron beds a chair, coloured TV and central heating, while Shelley's Kennels in Manchester also boasts leisure facilities such as a wet room, an outdoor run with a bubble machine and toys filled with treats for the pets to sniff out.

NIGHTS ON THE TOWN

What self-respecting bitch would go out for the evening unless she was properly attired. Whether the dress code is smart but casual, little black dress or full evening wear, there's no shortage of designer gear to choose from. Burberry also sells trench coats and Harrods stocks a range of chic accessories from sunglasses to cashmere sweaters and jewelled collars.

But don't forget, it's those extra touches that make the difference. OPI makes a nail polish especially for dogs in a range of colours including Bow Wow Green and Dog House Blue. And to finish off, why not a touch of Sexy Beast, a perfume made from a blend of bergamot, vanilla, mandarin and nutmeg oils, which comes in a limited edition bottle encrusted with Swarovski crystal and engraved with the animal's name?

LAST RITES

After a lifetime of luxury, the pampered pet deserves a decent send-off.

As far back as 1899, Major, a spaniel said to sing in three languages, lay in state for three days wearing a solid gold collar, before being interred in a flower-strewn, satin-lined casket, with a crystal window in the lid, at Hartsdale Canine Cemetery in the US.

The cemetery – the first of its kind – is the final resting place of many famous pets, including Goldfleck, a lion who belonged to the Hungarian Princess Lwoff-Parlaghy and Sirius, the only dog to lose his life in the 9/11 search and rescue efforts. Today, there are dozens of pet cemeteries and crematoria in the UK while The Poffins Co specialises in coffins, caskets and keepsakes of the dearly departed (including a pendant containing their pet's DNA).