I can't bare it if public get naked

I HAVE something to get off my, erm, chest. And, if I was anything like the growing number of people who seem happy to strip off for anyone and everyone, it would be my top, bra, and I might just whip down my breeks too.

Last weekend, Ocean Terminal offered shoppers the chance to strip off in the mall in front of TV cameras. Yes, you read correctly. Get naked - wobbly bits and all - while random punters stared at your bits and pieces, and a TV crew filmed the whole process for posterity. Hardly tempting, is it? Well, the 20 or so Edinburgh ladies who were happy to discard all their clothes in the "Bod Pod" in a bid to win a place on the new series of Channel 4's How To Look Good Naked clearly disagreed.

Now I, like the many others who religiously tuned in to the show last year, have nothing against nudity in principle. There can be few things more uplifting than seeing an insecure, unhappy female being transformed physically and emotionally by presenter Gok Wan through clever dressing and esteem building, and getting rid of those body hang-ups that plague so many women.

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But there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. When an image of Gail Porter in her birthday suit was projected on to the Houses of Parliament, larger than life, for all to see, I couldn't watch.

Nobody is perfect. Long legs, short legs, pot bellies, muffin tops, flat bums, dimply bums, flat breasts, saggy chests - everyone has their perceived imperfections. These are the things that make us unique, after all. But showing them to the world? Well, that's something I think should be kept behind closed doors.

It seems, however, I am most definitely old school. And apparently something of a prude too. Getting naked is fast becoming the new covering up.

Take Nuts for example - the weekly lads magazine with flesh-flashing legs akimbo pictures in abundance. It takes all of my self-control not to whip out a pen and colour in some warm, cosy clothes with marker pen, when I see them lining the shelves of my local newsagent.

But in addition to the paparazzi shots of scantily clad stars on beaches, and of savvy glamour models who make an annoyingly large income from selling pics of themselves naked, there's now a growing number of "real girls" happily posing topless.

In this week's magazine, Chrystal stripped to her thong for the "Strip Challenge". Why? Just because. The magazine now has a dedicated message board page filled with pictures from everyday girls happy to show off their bits. Charmingly there is also an "assess my breasts" section where blokes can upload their "lady's boobs" to a breast assessment website which then appears in the magazine.

And then there are our gyms and spas. Well the changing rooms, to be precise. I can't count the amount of times I've been getting changed after a workout only to be surrounded by women strutting about, blow-drying and gossiping without a stitch on, while I hide in a corner facing a locker with my towel wrapped firmly around me.

It seems this rampant nakedness - and our eagerness (and confidence) to strip off - is on the increase. And while I firmly believe we should keep our bodies to ourselves, I'm willing to believe it's actually me who has the problem.

My male Nuts-loving friend certainly thinks so.

He laughed at my shocked reaction to the Bod Pod and told me I was uptight. And perhaps, on some level Mr Nuts has a point. Maybe it's me who is unusual. And maybe it's me who needs to get with the times.

But face my fear and go starkers for the nation to see? Aye right.

Put customers first

I LOVE a bargain. And, if you believe the hype and the ads, supermarkets are the best place to snap up a great deal.

Well they clearly can't be talking about my local supermarket.

The "sold out" signs are becoming increasingly commonplace for those who do their groceries after work.

Those in search of food are being forced to make two or three trips a week in order to complete their weekly shop.

According to a recent survey in Grocery Magazine, one in 25 items at Tesco, Sainsbury, Asda, Morrisons, Somerfield and Waitrose is sold out when investigators visit the stores.

Perhaps we're eating more, perhaps weather, congestion or seasonality has affected deliveries.

Or perhaps, in a bid for even heftier profits, there's fewer staff employed and therefore fewer people to stock shelves.

I've lost count of the times in recent months when I've popped something tasty in my basket, only to find the sell-by date is the following day.

The thought of eating "fresh" items when they've been gathering dust in the store rooms for days is hardly tempting.

So instead of counting the profits, perhaps supermarkets should put customer satisfaction at the top of the agenda.