Green Goddess: 'Should the weeds prove tasty enough, i may give up the Chemical warfare'

I'VE been staring at them for about an hour now. I think I just saw a small insect crawl out from under one. What's them? A pile of delectable wild leaves I've gathered from the back garden. For wild leaves, read weeds. Enough procrastinating; it's time to stop looking and start eating. First up, wild garlic. Tasty and full-flavoured. Next, dandelion. Despite being a young, tender specimen just picked from the lawn, it's tang is definitely on the bitter side. Finally, the gro

So what has prompted this weed-munching session? There are three causes. One is the rampant ground elder that has begun skirmishing on the boundaries of my garden. It has been hoed, mulched, covered in a weed-proof membrane and ripped screaming from the soil using my bare hands, but it still comes back the next day. Blame the Romans, who brought it over here to use in rustic salads in a bid to remind themselves of the sort of fare mamma used to make. I say blame the Romans, but once my ground elder bagging and flogging enterprise gets underway, I will be thanking them.

The second reason is a heartfelt attempt to cure myself of the last dregs of non-organic gardening behaviour. The Pearson plot is a chemical-free zone, except for the vast swathe of gravel I've blitzed with nasty stuff rather than endure hours of hand-weeding. Should the weeds prove tasty enough, though, I may be persuaded to give up the chemical warfare. Finally, National Be Nice to Nettles week (www.nettles.org.uk, 19 to 30 May) is on the horizon. Despite having the best name ever for an environmental awareness week, my gut reaction is to ask why. What have nettles ever done for us?"

I was once encouraged to drink nettle tea by a well-intentioned colleague. It was like swallowing pond water. I don't care if it's rumoured to prevent hayfever and can be turned into string, pesto or soup. It tastes like dead leaves and would sting you as soon as look at you. But did you know that nettles indicate fertile soil? I treasure that thought as I inflict death by 1,000 secateur cuts on them.

Not very green, perhaps. What about the butterflies that rely on them for food? Well, there are enough nettles in the wild without allowing them on to my territory. Read Ken Thompson's No Nettles Required for the science behind this throwaway remark. Things seem to have gotten a little negative. This was supposed to be a celebration of weeds. As well as those mentioned above, you could try snacking on fat hen, goosegrass, chickweed and hairy bittercress (although we may need to rebrand this last one to make it sound more palatable on menus).

I must insert a disclaimer that if you can't identify the weed please don't eat it. And don't pick stuff from the edges of fields, where they might have pesticide run-off or dog pee on them. I came millimetres from trying out a daisy leaf before a quick Google search showed it can cause vomiting and drooling in dogs. What it might do to columnists, we can only speculate.

• This article was first published in the Scotland on Sunday, May 9, 2010