Frances Byatt-Smith: Helping your child settle is in the bag

It's school time again and the anxiety of getting off to a good start can be difficult for both children and parents.

Many children in all age groups are excited about starting school, moving up a class or moving to a new school. However, it can also be quite scary until they have adjusted to their new situation.

The degree of adjustment depends on the child and it is good to remind ourselves that each child is different. Many schools have good programmes to help children make these transitions smoothly. These include visits to the school to meet the teacher and classmates before the summer holidays to learn about the school life and what to do when they arrive at school, where they will be collected by their parent at the end of the school day, where they will have lunch, where the toilets are and how to ask to go to the toilet and how to ask a question in class. Parents, however, can help their children by being realistic, having a positive attitude and planning ahead in order to ease any anxiety and help to promote a successful school experience.

Planning ahead will help to avoid the chaos and keep both children and parents calmer, making it easier for children to return to school in a positive, relaxed mood. I suggest that you start by gradually returning to a back to school bedtime a week before the start school date. For younger children starting school for the first time, a school week planner can be very helpful. It helps the child learn what is happening and what they need each day, for example, which days to take in games kit, car shares, after school clubs and so on. Help them prepare for friendships by finding out which friends are in their class and then inviting them to your house to play. Take a practice run on the bus if your child is going to take it to school for the first time.

In the transition from nursery school to primary school, parents may have to deal with difficult behaviour. For example, tummy aches, headaches or not wanting to go to school are common. Irritability and being short-tempered and disagreeable are other common behaviours.

Starting school can be very stressful and children need lots of support from parents, particularly in the first few weeks. The stress is caused because moving from nursery school to primary school involves adjusting to a much bigger place, more children who are older and bigger with fewer adults for support. Playtime can be frightening at first and the length of school day can be tiring. There are new rules to get used to, lots of noise and bell ringing and new things that they are expected to do. Here are a few suggestions that might help ease the transition.

Pick your child up on time from school because it is very worrying for children when their parents are late. Children are usually hungry at the end of the school day so bring a healthy snack with you, e.g. a banana or apple, to give to your child on the way home.

Listen well without asking too many questions and make your questions specific. Avoid asking general questions like "how was school today" - instead ask something specific like "what story did the teacher read today". Invite friends to play and be welcoming to new friends. Help your child to set a homework routine and allow time for rest and play. Try not to expect too much because new learning takes a long time and all children are different. Try not to arrange too many after school activities in the first few weeks. Tell the teacher when you are pleased and when you have concerns about your child. Make allowances for irritability and tiredness and minor accidents such as wet pants in the first few weeks.

Children moving to a new school may be excited at first but then experience feelings of grief and loss because they miss their old school and old friends and can feel lonely and unhappy until they have made new friends and have adjusted to the new situation. When this happens, it is best to acknowledge your child's feelings, let the child know you understand and can accept the fact that there is sadness.

Reassure your child that you will help with this difficult period by making it clear that it is something that can be beaten and it's not abnormal, but something that probably most children who move school go through.

Ask questions, for example, "If you could make school any way you wanted, how would you make it?" "What would you do to make break time the very best it could be?" "If you were in charge of how boys and girls played together, how would you set it up?" You'll hear about the difficulties, but you'll have also got around the hopeless feelings that make a child clam up by asking the question in a positive way. Listening to your child talk or cry about a lack of friends or about some injustice in the classroom and the teacher will enable him/her to figure out ways to work through the situation. You don't need to solve every little difficulty your child runs up against but instead work out how. For example, ask if the child would like some help in making friends by perhaps suggesting that it's possible to invite a new classmate home. You will then find out how much help is wanted, because the child needs to be an equal partner in deciding what role you play.

These anxieties only stick around for a short while. Most children are resilient and, with your support, will thrive throughout their school year.

Frances Byatt-Smith RN RHV BA (Hons) Psychology is the director of The Parent Centre and offers coaching and relationship courses for parents of children 0-18 years and coaching for children 7-16 years. E-mail [email protected] or visit www.theparentcentre.co.uk

CURRICULUM CHANGES MAKE LESSONS LESS PRESCRIPTIVE

Education Secretary Mike Russell has insisted the vast majority of teachers are "excited" about a shake-up of the schools' curriculum, despite union fears about the changes.

Ann Ballinger, the general secretary of the Scottish Secondary Teachers' Association (SSTA), voiced concerns that the Curriculum for Excellence - which comes into force in secondary schools as pupils return to classes this week - would increase teachers' workload.

The changes in the new curriculum are designed to give teachers more freedom and make lessons less prescriptive.

Mr Russell said: "We already know that in the primary sector, this is a successful means of imparting education.

"The rules of physics and the grammar of French don't change as a result of that, but what does happen is that teaching methods improve.

"I'm confident that it will produce the results that Scotland needs - a well-educated group of young people and a well-educated work force."

Many parents are still concerned about what it might mean for their children, says Eleanor Coner, of the Scottish Parent Teacher Council.

"I think the problem is that the messages that have been sent out can be quite confusing at times. There needs to be more information on what is happening, and this is what it means for your child."