David Maddox: Red meat for the Right and lentils for the Left, but are the coalition's portion sizes right?

THE coalition kitchen cabinet has been going into overdrive of late, throwing out lumps of red meat and dishes of boiled lentils to the increasingly hungry back-benches.

When culinary references are made in politics, it is more often than not related to feeding the unsated elements within a governing party. It's perhaps to Alex Salmond's credit that he has not been accused of handing out plates of haggis to the group we must now refer to as former fundamentalists in the SNP ranks.

But the chief political chefs David Cameron and Nick Clegg have a problem. Both have had to make unhappy compromises and their back-benchers are now howling: "What's in it for us?"

This is almost certainly one of the reasons why the Prime Minister gave his speech rewriting the rules of multi-culturalism – this was red meat for the Tory right-wing. But it seems they were still not satisfied.

So, in just a matter of days, the PM was back stirring up a rebellion against the European Court of Human Rights and its ruling that prisoners should be allowed to vote.

Not only did this go against the traditional law-and-order stance of the party, but it was being imposed by an unelected European institution – although they did gloss over the fact that this had nothing to do with the European Union. In effect, Mr Cameron reopened the book on what had been a closed issue – "we have no choice", both Ken Clarke and William Hague had previously stated – promising that the free vote, overwhelmingly against prisoners being enfranchised, would be taken into consideration.

Along with this came a quiet briefing that Mr Cameron would still quite like to get rid of the Human Rights Act, leave the European Convention on Human Rights and do something altogether more British. So with his previously unhappy back-benchers gorging themselves on good old-fashioned red meat, Mr Cameron knew he had bought himself more time for the coalition to bed in properly this year. But the right-wing feasting was looked on with some envy by the poor, ignored left-wing of the other coalition party. "We've had to take the hardest hit on cuts and tuition fees and the Tories are getting all the goodies," was the general complaint.

This explains the emergency bowl of lentils dished out over the weekend – on gay marriage. The idea of gays being able to enjoy normal human rights to have their love recognised in time-honoured fashion will delight the liberal Lib Dems. It may annoy the Tory Right, but they can't complain after the last fortnight's feast.

However, the problem for the two chief chefs is that the Cameron and Clegg cookbook does not really contain much that is palatable for either of the two extremes. Also, while red meat and lentils are good in a balanced diet, both have unpleasant gastronomic problems when taken in excess and on their own. This may explain why so many, even within the coalition, believe that the whole Tory/ Lib Dem deal stinks.