Brian Monteith: Double act will share the blame

THE thick political stoor that is the aftermath of every general election is at last beginning to clear. If you bang your TV set, or should I say reboot your HD screen, you will find that despite the comfy cosy coalition, our politicians are trying to resume normal service as soon as possible.

That means there will be a great deal of self-interest coming to the fore, although it will be laced with a large dod of special ingredients that are the words "progressive" and "modern" to disguise the same old recipe and make it sound new and inviting.

As I said last week, the most ubiquitous staple will be "national interest" as our masters look to justify anything and everything they do.

Reforming the Lords will be in the national interest, putting up more wind turbines will be in the national interest and banning advertising of fast food will be in the national interest.

Beware such weasel words, for what the politicians are saying is that there is no time or no need for debate. No contrary view will be permitted as they plough on regardless with what they happen to think is best.

The Labour Party is poised to set about devouring itself for the next few months, delivering enough bloodletting to make a year's supply of black pudding at Westminster.

Many Labour MPs that took an alternative to Gordon Brown's view chose not to come back to parliament just in case he won, while others that carry much of the blame – such as Alistair Darling – have decided now is the time for a quieter life and intend to tend their constituencies while they top up their pension. Nice work if you can get it.

Frankly, they are very lucky that there is not a full-scale judicial inquiry into the state of the economy that they have left behind for everyone to clear up. David Cameron may not have wanted or planned for a coalition with the Liberal Democrats (nor they with him) but there is little doubt that it will help the Conservatives when George Osborne steps forward to announce just how bad our country's debt problem actually is and therefore how desperate are the measures that will be required to deal with our descent into national penury.

If the Conservatives had stood alone and said that it was a big boy's fault who had run away nobody would have believed them – but with Vince Cable and Nick Clegg standing beside them it will suddenly be given an air of objectivity and credibility that Osborne could only have dreamed of.

When VAT is put up to 20 per cent, various other taxes are hiked and swathes of public expenditure is cut the fact that those cuddly Lib Dems have signed up to it too will make the screams of "savage Tory cuts" seem like an unwarranted overreaction.

Sharing the pain and sharing the blame should work well for Cameron's reluctant Conservatives, as they need to get really beastly with the public sector which, through no fault of its own, has been drowning in Gordon Brown's borrowed largesse for the last ten years.

Now the swamp is about to be drained and it will take real men to do it. By themselves, Cameron's wimpish Tories might not have had the muscle or perseverance; maybe with the hand- wringing Lib Dems to hold their jackets they might just work up the courage.

I wish them all well, I really do. This country needs all the help it can get – and two parties working together might, just for once, be better than one.

I see that the humble cauliflower is in a tailspin. The sales of this most subtle of vegetables has dropped by nearly 35 per cent in the last ten years as the nation, and especially its youngsters, turn to okra and mange tout. How thoroughly modern and progressive – and how awful and disappointing.

Many reasons are being touted for this gastronomic mood swing but it surely is very simple – cauliflowers don't come in a packet or a tin. Although simple to cook they still take a bit of effort for too many people and, worse still, they are best served with a cheese sauce – and how many people these days do you know who can make a roux?

I'll wager that most young people eat their cauliflowers, if they eat them at all, finely chopped in a vegetable curry or in a liquidised soup with broccoli and a blue cheese. Serve it on a plate and some might fear you were putting sheep's brain in front of them.

The cauliflower makes for a wonderful high tea (another institution that deserves to be defended) or a supper dish for after watching Ashes to Ashes (or better still, Life on Mars reruns). The way to revive the cauliflower is to present it as a meal in itself, not as an accompaniment.

The defence of the common and garden cauliflower starts here and now, send your recipes in and I'll publish the best of them.