Andrew Hoyle: 'They ponce around the city, cameras hanging round their middle-class necks'

DO YOU find most people to be generally awful? I certainly do. And over the years my loathing for large sections of humanity has grown exponentially. Why this should be the case I'm not sure, but I'm past caring.

Last week all the usual hate figures I imagine everyone secretly despises manifested themselves. Such as the earnest studio audience for the BBC's Question Time, arms aloft like grotesque school swots, so eager to grab their 15 seconds of fame that they blurt out their boring questions before a microphone can be thrust in front of them, rendering most of their tedious rants inaudible. Get a grip you pompous windbags, no-one's interested in your red-faced emm-ing and umm-ing about Libya.

And boastful tramps. Nowadays they can't just hold a cap out, or even perform a little dance to a wheezy mouth organ accompaniment, in the hope of earning enough for a bottle of QC. Oh no, they have to brandish a handwritten sign bragging that they are not alcoholics or dependent on drugs and are just down on their luck. In the unlikely event that this is the case, why do they have to ram it down the throats of hardworking passers-by, many of whom may well be overly fond of a drop of the hard stuff and possibly wouldn't say no to the odd snort of the "devil's dandruff", yet manage to hold down spirit-sapping jobs without needing to broadcast their reasons for doing so in felt-tip and cardboard? Before I give money to the destitute, I always ask whether they plan to spend it on booze and never part with my cash unless they answer in the affirmative.

And drivers who stop at the first hint of an amber traffic light. Pathetic, as well as dangerous. They're basically sending a message to other road users saying: "Look at me, I know the Highway Code, I spotted that light was amber and I stopped because it would have been A BAD THING if I'd continued." Haven't these tragic clowns realised that a sedated sloth could shuffle through most junctions before oncoming vehicles get the green light? Put the foot down, I haven't got all day you know.

And anyone who recycles. Just stop. As long as China churns out its coal-fired power stations the size of Wales every other day, the joke's on you.

Oh and anti-smoking zealot Sheila Duffy. I hadn't had a ciggie for years until the sheer joylessness of her ASH campaign inspired me to reintroduce my lungs to Marlboro's delicious little tubes of pleasure.

But above all, the people who drive me up the wall are the gormless goats you see poncing around the city with a camera or two hanging round their middle-class necks. These are "Blippers", deeply annoying individuals who shoot what they think are creative photographs – of walls, clouds, "juxtapositions of light and dark, old and new", anything really, the more banal the better. Then they post their feeble snapshots onto www.blipfoto.com, where sycophants massage their egos and laud their limited technical prowess and dubious artistic sensibility. Why they do this I have no idea.

And now I am going to lie down in a dark room and hope it all goes away.