Alison Craig: Beckham boy listing is new model barmy

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, style award Romeo? Hang on to your sides for they may be about to split. This is not a cheeky reference to festive over- indulgence taking its toll on the seams of your shirt, but because they may just burst laughing when you hear the latest media shenanigans.

Ahem . . . OK, here goes . . . Romeo Beckham, at the tender age of eight, has been named one of Britain's best dressed men. No, I'm not joking. What a lot of manure. Really - he's eight years old, for goodness sake.

Perhaps you are of the opinion that it is completely reasonable to imagine this stylish mini-man calling the chauffeur and demanding to be taken to Rodeo Drive, or wherever the super rich shop these days, where he hits the designer stores with his platinum credit card. But to me it is ludicrous.

For research, I googled images of young Romeo, which revealed him wearing football tops in approximately 80 per cent of photographs. If that elevates him to the list of Britain's best dressed men then every boy between five and 11 in Scotland should be eligible for inclusion too.

Of course, in Romeo's case this could also be interpreted as a lack of imagination. After all, his dad is a footballer.

So, if the man in your house is an ambulance driver and his son dresses in a paramedic's uniform does that make him stylish? Maybe it does. It certainly shows he is proud of his father.

But in my opinion in declaring an eight-year-old boy one of the best dressed men in the country the magazine involved instantly lost any credibility. In all seriousness, what is anyone who actually reads this lads' mag going to think?

As they usually feature more than their share of half-dressed women, mothers are not exactly their target audience, even the ones who aspire to have their lads paraded over the pages of international fashion magazines

Their actual readers, ie males over the age of 15, are hardly going to be impressed, either.

The mag has essentially said that after carefully considering every male in the public eye today they have decided an eight- year-old is more stylish than the lot of them. Of course maybe they just want to ingratiate themselves with the Beckhams with this sycophantic nonsense.

As every parent knows only too well, if Romeo is anything like any other eight-year-old boy he will have little interest or say in what he is draping over his little Beckham body.

He won't care, as long as he is fed and watered.

His mum, nanny, or other well-paid assistant to the family will lay out a pile of clean clothes in the morning for him and he will unquestioningly put them on. Can you imagine the scene if he didn't?

Mother? Yes, Romeo, my darling? These Versace shorts really aren't doing it for me. I'd prefer the camel Ralph Lauren slacks today, as they complement the khaki cashmere . . . Yeah, right.

I challenge Victoria to lay out a Superman T-shirt, purple stripey shorts, a pair of red high tops, a lime green baseball cap and a Red Nose day nose and see if he puts it on.

The Beckhams, who are not exactly slouches when it comes to the world of PR, should have responded to the best dressed list instantly, saying "Victoria is delighted that you approve of the choices she makes for her son in the sartorial elegance department . . . but, frankly, it has nothing to do with him whatsoever".

That would have proved they have a sense of humour and see that naming an eight-year-old as a sartorial role model for men is silliness in the extreme.

After all, he is not a man He is a child. Let him be that. Don't give anyone the excuse to poke a microphone under his naive mouth and ask him what he's wearing today.

Stop featuring kids in the already hugely distorted adult world of vanity and fashion.

As I write this, I can just imagine the scissors, needles and threads at work as mini Versace suits, tiny Armani bomber jackets and some shrunk-down chic loafers are being made bespoke for the wee wannabes round the world.

There's a simple practical point here too. The average eight-year-old grows about four inches in a year. Then what? Hand-me-downs? Charity?

To lavish this much attention and money on a kid of eight can only distort his young malleable view of reality and what is important in life.

I say: leave him alone. There is plenty of time ahead for confusion, vanity and insecurity.

He will be a teenager soon enough.