Adam Morris: Sport stars who put their foot in it

As Rafa Benitez puzzles reporters with his cryptic comments on priests and sugar mountains, Adam Morris looks at the wit and often questionable wisdom of other stars in football

They may not be the most articulate people in the public eye, but more column inches and airtime is dedicated to the words and thoughts of football players and managers than probably any other profession.

Even though their primary role is to run, kick, head and tackle on a rectangle of grass shared by 21 others, we pay a lot of heed to what opinions they have and their reactions to certain events.

Footballers themselves, particularly given their generally young age and lack of academia in their day-to-day work, could be forgiven for talking drivel, but it seems managers, whose job it is to communicate instructions and devise tactical masterstrokes, are now becoming increasingly cryptic in their pre and post-match press conferences.

It is bad enough that the average football fan has to endure the painful grammar delivered by some of Scotland's most senior pundits, who thrive on the "has went" and "done good" badinage.

Now a trend seems to be developing of mysterious metaphors and never-before-heard similes, most recently from Sir Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, and his former Liverpool counterpart Rafa Benitez.

The latest ramblings have come from Benitez, now in charge of Inter Milan, and are a real tester.

At a press conference this week, he left many people scratching their heads after he announced: "Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar."

This is said to be a Spanish colloquialism for people not seeing the wood for the trees, with Benitez referring to his Liverpool successor Roy Hodgson's views about who was at fault for the club's demise.

It came hot on the heels of Sir Alex Ferguson's puzzling statement when discussing his then unsettled striker Wayne Rooney, saying: "Sometimes you look in a field and you see a cow and you think it's a better cow than the one you've got in your own field."

It was a rather cumbersome way to suggest that the grass always looks greener on the other side.

Such cryptic musings are a far cry from the witty observations of the likes of Jock Stein, who brilliantly opined about international participation in major championships: "Wear your boiler suit to qualify and then lay out the dinner jacket for the tournament."

Manager of many clubs Ron Atkinson once quipped about midfield enforcer Carlton Palmer: "He can trap the ball further than I can kick it."

The nosedive probably began in 1995 when Manchester United forward Eric Cantona made his "seagulls and trawlers" remark to press after he was convicted for kung-fu kicking a Crystal Palace fan after being sent off.

He said: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."

It emerged years later that, far from being a historic, French philosophical musing, it was in fact dreamed up in a hotel room ahead of the press conference and Cantona wanted to find alternative words for "fishing boat" and "small fish".

His jibe appeared to be aimed at journalists following him and waiting for something notable to happen for them to report.

Ebbe Skovdahl, the maligned former Aberdeen boss, was known for his slightly more blunt approach.

Describing a good performance which ended in defeat, he commented that the "operation went well but the patient died". This was quickly followed by thoughts on the weakness of statistics. "They are just like mini-skirts; they give you good ideas but hide the most important thing."

As well as the cryptic, managers frequently make pronouncements which are just plain laughable.

Partick Thistle legend John Lambie, who lives in Whitburn, was famous for turning the air blue in team talks.

Outbursts included slapping a player across the face with a dead pigeon and kicking a cup of tea out of a substitute's hand.

During a game a physio reported that a player was concussed, to which Lambie responded: "Tell him he's Pele and get him back on."

Former Hibs boss Jim Duffy once hit readers of his column with a cliche double whammy by declaring: "There-in lies the rub of the green."

And who could forget Sky pundit Alan McInally's analysis of a Hearts game: "Hearts are now playing with a five-man back four."

David Beckham, talking about the aforementioned Sir Alex, when he still played at Old Trafford, said: "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."

Not all modern managers have lost the gift of the sharp, concise quip. Blackpool manager Ian Holloway is currently on the ride of his life in the Premier League, but when his luck was down he told reporters: "Right now, everything is going wrong for me. If I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb."