We all need love and a human connection - Karyn McCluskey

I like to pretend to myself that I am rarely shocked. I’ve heard most things, seen some terrible things but there are times when simple conversations stop me short and make me ashamed.

Young people with care experience often have no one in their life who would miss then or look forward to having them home

The media is full of stories criticising the way people have been prevented from seeing loved ones this Christmas and how these times of celebration have become even more bittersweet for the terminally ill.

Time is precious, and we have spent so much of it indoors this year, frantically swimming to stay afloat and hoping for change.

I’m reminded of a conversation with a young woman who had been in care that brought me up short. I feel lucky to know this feisty, smart and talented woman who once stayed with me and made me realise how her life in care should have been better and more caring. She should not have been left with issues that are the legacy of a system that requires radical change.

She spoke about being at university and watching as fellow students had excited conversations about returning home, talked about family celebrations and then one by one, left the halls of residence until she was left entirely on her own.

No one asked where she was going, it may have been that no one cared. She spent the whole festive period in a small room in isolation. No one waited for her to return home, excited to see her, to ask about her course, what her hopes were, to mother her and envelop her back into the family.

I don’t know why this has stayed with me when so many other terrible things have happened to those who have care experience.

But for me it brought home the importance of connection, relationships and having someone, anyone that loves you, misses you and looks forward to having you home.

There are young people and adults across Scotland in our prisons who have been in care and have this experience, with no one to visit or write to them.

I once met a young man in Polmont Young Offenders Institution who seemed empty.

When I talked to the rest of the group about change and leaving prison he leant back in his chair. When I asked him what he hoped for he said: “Nothing”. When prompted he said: “This”, gesturing to the Young Offenders Institution.

He leant back in his chair and said: “I was kicked out of the house at 11 years old. I haven’t had a Christmas or a birthday card since I was 14. Nobody loves me.” I stopped myself saying “Of course you are loved”, for that wasn’t his experience nor his reality. That was more than ten years ago and I remember it as if it was yesterday.

Many organisations make an effort to ensure that care-experienced young people spend time with other families or in groups. It’s not the panacea but it’s a start.

As the Care Review work has found, for many of these young people, their parents did love them, but were caught up with their own lives being so complicated and burdened with their own trauma.

As we end this terrible year and go into the next, I hope the legacy will be the power of love and connection – for we all need that.

Karyn McCluskey is chief executive of Community Justice Scotland