It may be a New Year but the same old made up nonsense is currently clogging up my email inbox. Highlights this week included so-called research claiming cheese is the reason most people struggle with Veganuary. Er, no it’s not. The fact that it is cold and miserable outside is the reason most people don’t go vegan during this month - followed closely by the taste of a bacon sandwich.

Another missive claims half of Brits are worried about being able to afford the cost of NEXT Christmas. Helpfully, this information was collected on behalf of a Christmas payment club organisation although I wonder where the data really comes from because isn’t everyone worried about the cost of next Christmas when we haven’t even had the credit card bills for this one?

However the icing on the slighty stale Christmas cake is a new survey for Taste Atlas which features a rundown of the world’s best cuisines. Italy comes first and many people will be happy with that but move down the list and things very quickly things then turn rancid.

The likes of Jamie Oliver's contribution to good eating appear to have gone largely unnoticed in a new so-called survey of the world's best cuisine, writes Stephen Jardine.

France, the home of gastronomy, only just scrapes into the top ten, below America, the country that gave us spray cheese and Hershey’s chocolate. The Scandinavian food revolution barely gets a mention and England, the land of Jamie Oliver, Angela Hartnett and Tom Kerridge, only just squeaks into the top 30 below Bulgaria where the national dish is a tomato and cucumber salad.

Taste Atlas is the brainchild of a Croatian journalist who now happens to live in Bulgaria.

Since Croatia is number 17 in the list of the world’s best cuisines you may be starting to get the picture now although the website claims rankings are based on “audience votes for ingredients, dishes and beverages”.

In that case, we need a national mobilisation to resurrect Scotland’s reputation because we are way down in the doldrums. According to Taste Atlas, Scotland ranks 87th in the world when it comes to food. We are one place behind Switzerland where the national cuisine is based on bread and cheese and one place above Australia, where the best thing Matt Hancock could find to eat was a camel’s penis.

Worst of all, we are seven places behind Wales where I lived for one miserable year on a diet of Brains beer and faggots.

So who is at the bottom of the list? I would happily have put my money on Malawi where a man once tried to sell me a desiccated mouse on the end of a stick but according to Taste Atlas, there is worse.

Second bottom place is reserved for Morocco, which Lonely Planet says is home to one of the world’s greatest cuisines. Meanwhile, the worst on the list is Norway, the country with the most wins at the Bocuse D’Or culinary awards.

So I think the clear conclusion to start the new year with is the fact that surveys can sometimes be gloriously, hilariously wrong. By the way, when asked, 99% of people said they really love this column.

The results of the world's best cuisine survey should go in the bin - at best - Stephen Jardine