Strangulation during sex is shockingly common among young people. So why are MSPs ignoring this deadly threat?

Student Emily Drouet took her own life after she was choked and slapped by her ex-boyfriend (Picture courtesy of the Drouet family via SWNS) | SWNS.com

Sex education was so much easier a generation or two ago. As I approached 15, my mother urged me to “be careful” with boys. “Don’t let him unbutton your coat,” she said. Today, I shudder when I think of the sexual minefield that my granddaughters – still more interested in crochet and sharks than boys – will face as they become young women.

The rise in online pornography – available to every young person on their smartphone – has fuelled a change in sexual behaviour and attitudes. Studies from across the world show that young men who watch even non-violent porn display higher levels of sexist attitudes than their parents. And non-fatal strangulation (NFS) – or choking as it is known colloquially – has become the norm among people under 35 years old.

Sitting in a sedate committee room of the Scottish Parliament earlier this week, surrounded by women of all ages, I heard a doctor describe the impact of NFS, second by terrifying second. Pressure around a woman’s neck cuts off the blood supply, leading to blood congestion in her brain. Within six to eight seconds, a women will lose consciousness. After 15 seconds, her bladder will be incontinent, after 30 seconds her bowels will open. She will be brain dead within four minutes.

‘Rough sex’ is no defence

Professor Cath White OBE, the medical director of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation (IFAS), explained to the silent room how ‘choking’ can also cause brain damage. There is evidence to suggest that it is the second most common cause of stroke in young women – with the brain injury occurring days or weeks after the strangulation incident.

“There is no safe way to strangle,” insists Professor White, yet many young women now consider it a routine part of sex. A recent survey carried out by the institute reveals that over a third (35 per cent) of 16 to 34-year-olds reported being strangled/choked at least once during consensual sex. Only three per cent of older people (55 to 64) say that it is an issue.

Non-fatal strangulation has become so much part of young people’s consensual sexual lives, that the criminal justice system often refers to it as “rough sex”, even if when it results in death. A 2020 analysis of 60 homicides of women across the UK, where the defendant used “rough sex” as his defence, revealed that nearly half (45 per cent) of the cases resulted in a manslaughter (culpable homicide) charge, a lesser sentence or no prosecution at all. As Fiona Mackenzie of the campaign group, We Can’t Consent to This, told the meeting on Wednesday, strangulation during sex is one of the “biggest unspoken issues in our society”.

Community service

Fiona Drouet is determined that Scottish society will talk about it. Eight years ago, her daughter Emily, an 18-year-old law student, killed herself days after being choked and slapped by her ex-boyfriend. Angus Milligan later admitted choking and slapping Emily and, in 2017, was sentenced to 180 hours of community service for assault and threatening behaviour.

Scotland is now the only part of the UK where NFS is not prosecuted as a standalone crime. A new offence of non-fatal strangulation was introduced in England and Wales in 2022 and Northern Ireland followed suit a year later. In Scotland, it is still classed as assault, which Fiona Drouet and other campaigners say doesn’t go far enough.

Speaking to BBC Scotland last month, Ms Drouet said: "With NFS, we know you are eight times more likely to be murdered by the person that has strangled you. We can’t ignore that, we can’t treat that like common assault because it’s far more complicated, far more complex and far more dangerous than that.”

She added: "We need to look at it when it is used as a form of abuse that is usually to silence the victim survivor. The perpetrator is saying 'your life is in my hands' and that is a very scary place for someone to be."

Violent pornography now ‘mainstream’

This Tuesday is the last day of the annual, global campaign, 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence. In the run-up to the campaign, the First Minister John Swinney said that his government was committed to eradicating gender-based violence. “The Scottish theme for this year’s 16 Days of Activism is ‘Imagine a Scotland without Gender-Based Violence’, and the only way we can realise that is by ensuring the next generation are equipped to spot abusive behaviour and call it out," he said.

He's right, up to a point. We all have a role to play in helping our young people – men and women – deal with dangerous and abusive sexual behaviour. As Linda Thompson, of the Glasgow-based Women’s Support Project, explained on Wednesday night, a generation has come of age at the height of porn culture.

“Porn has infected all aspects of our culture; it has become the wallpaper of our lives. And violent pornography is now the mainstream. It gives young people ‘permission’ to act out violent sex. They think this is what everyone is doing,” she said. But as well as better sex education, young people also need the full protection of the law, and a standalone offence of non-fatal strangulation would send a serious message to perpetrators and prosecutors alike.

Male violence against women and girls is not a partisan issue, nor is it class based. Wednesday’s roundtable, hosted by women’s support centre Beira’s Place was co-sponsored by Scottish Labour MSP Claire Baker and Tess White MSP of the Scottish Conservatives.

Politicians of all parties joined women from a cross-section of Scottish society to hear experts warn of the dangers facing our children. Holyrood has the power to act on non-fatal strangulation. But does it have the will? Or even the imagination.