SNP leadership contest sees three out-of-their-depth charlatans simultaneously praise and trash Sturgeon's legacy – Murdo Fraser

It is the SNP leadership campaign nobody in the SNP leadership is watching. That is, if we are to believe Nicola Sturgeon and Stephen Flynn who have both said they find something better to watch of an evening.

It is certainly a campaign where it is difficult to discern what the point of the SNP is. All three candidates say they want to give us a referendum nobody else wants, and that they know they can’t win. But what really unites them is that they all agree that Ms Sturgeon – who has won eight elections in a row, don’t you know – achieved nothing. Diddly squat.

They all want to move on, which is a particular difficulty for the favourite, Humza Yousaf, who is trying to position himself as the continuity candidate who wants change. Confused? It gets worse.

Surprised that Kate Forbes has not been crushed by throwing herself under her own ‘Jesus Saves’ bus, Mr Yousaf’s main tactic seems to be along the lines of trying to get the Finance Secretary to admit that the Virgin Mary was a virgin in the hope the SNP membership will recoil. Yes, these arguments are not fresh.

None of the candidates is touching upon the possible reasons for why we are having this competition at all. And, as John Cleese’s Basil Fawlty told his hotel guests not to mention the war, no one has an opinion on the £600,000 which appears to have gone missing from the SNP accounts on Ms Sturgeon’s and her husband’s watch. And no one is asking if their soon-to-be predecessor used the powers of the state to try to jail her own predecessor.

No. But what they all agree on is that Ms Sturgeon’s legacy is both golden and trash. They must preserve and move on because the most successful leader in the SNP’s history got nothing done. There are bright sunlit uplands to be reached by both continuing on the current First Minister’s path and abandoning it.

To be fair, Ash Regan looks like a convention visitor who has made it into the wrong reception at the hotel to make a speech. She thought she was selling combine harvesters, but it turns out the audience was expecting a presentation on five-in-one uses for a non-stick pan but, hey, she can make do and mend.

Ms Forbes’ primary school determination has a brutal touch. And Mr Yousaf has lost nothing of the fifth-form chat-up he must have used at his private school’s Christmas discos. Those eyelashes are real, don’t you know. But it is desperate. Truly desperate.

SNP leadership candidates Ash Regan, Kate Forbes and Humza Yousaf seem to agree Nicola Sturgeon's legacy is both golden and trash (Picture: Peter Devlin For Sky News via Getty Images)

There is nothing of substance for the people of Scotland to see here. No real discussion of public services, other than for Mr Yousaf to say he has been in charge of most of them and no one went on strike – conveniently ignoring the junior doctors’ current ballot for industrial action. Ms Forbes says she will be fiscally disciplined in a way she has eschewed until now, and Ms Regan really doesn’t have the first clue about how to establish the separate Scottish currency that seems to be the centrepiece of her campaign.

As they limp from studio to studio, not noticing which wounds to lick but determined to inflict some more, I wonder if they ever considered having a policy agenda? You know, things that people in power want to do for the people who elect them. Instead they appear like a dysfunctional family, relieved of the duty to play nice at Christmas, and who now can tell the world what they really think of each other.

But let’s reach for consensus. All three candidates agree that the Scottish Government has been a disappointment. Ms Sturgeon may have taken no lessons from anyone, but there are no lessons she has left to learn.

However, the sadness for the country – for you and me – is that one of these charlatans will be First Minister in three weeks. People long on personal ambition but short on ideas for how we turn our nation around. They won’t be able to work together for their own party, let alone the country. The Soviet-style discipline of Ms Sturgeon has gone. Ms Forbes’ righteousness will not be quelled by defeat. Mr Yousaf’s self-love will be toxic if not infectious. And Ms Regan? Enthusiasm doesn’t make up for the lack of a credible plan.

It does not leave us in a good position. We have a political party that has been in charge for almost two decades, that people seem to vote for in hope of a referendum re-run they cannot deliver, and who by their own admission have delivered very little to make life better in Scotland.

Even those who say they want Mr Yousuf to win don’t seem to believe in him. Mr Flynn’s endorsement of him had all the sincerity of Michael Corleone saying that he renounced Satan and all his works. Pat Kane, singer-turned-leftist-intellectual, said of Mr Yousaf that he was “no more out of his depth” than the other candidates. If that’s the best one can find to say about the person who could be our next First Minister, it might be better to stay quiet.

I suspect the real fight will come when whoever wins has to address not just the finances of the nation, but the finances of the SNP. When they have to speak to Police Scotland. When the ex-First Minister’s husband has to explain where all the money went. Then we should find out something about how Scotland is currently run which will be more profound than any manifesto the current candidates wish to offer.

Murdo Fraser is a Scottish Conservative MSP for Mid-Scotland and Fife