For those who haven’t caught it, the latest sequel sees an extended family gathered at the mansion in apparent shock after their matriarch suddenly disappears from the face of the earth. Who stands to benefit? Is it Humza, the entitled heir apparent with a reputation for tripping over his own shoelaces? In his arrogance, he doesn’t like being questioned too closely about his past catastrophes which may come back to haunt him.

Will it be Kate, who embarrasses the family with her insistent frankness and her blinkered outlook? She is getting help from Mr Neil – the old gardener who knows where the bodies are buried. Or Ash, the quiet one? She’s underrated by the others and is getting help from the missing matriarch’s old business partner – who fell out with the family in an acrimonious row.

And who is this coming up the drive? Is the local police coming to question the family on the missing cash? Is it the wayward cousin Angus back from an overseas jaunt or is it uncle Alex, who was dis-inherited and has sworn vengeance on the whole clan? Stay tuned for a “Knives Out special – who killed Indy?”

While it may be tempting to get the popcorn out and just watch the SNP tear itself to pieces over the next few weeks, unfortunately we have to take the contest seriously because one of these actors is going to almost certainly end up being First Minister of Scotland. Humza Yousaf, the Norman Wisdom of the Scottish Cabinet, has a habit of landing on his feet even when he’s stood in a pot of paint and knocked over the scaffolding on the way down.

He is, if accounts are to be believed, the favoured candidate of the SNP leadership. Although how this can be after his disastrous run as Health Secretary, which followed on from his disastrous time as Justice Secretary, following on from his utterly disastrous run as transport minister is a mystery to most observers outside the tent.

Just how he is rated inside the SNP tent was apparent in the Holyrood chamber recently when the hapless Humza tried to whisper some unwanted advice on the health crisis to the First Minister. The video footage, played thousands of times by now, shows Nicola Sturgeon’s utter disdain for her Health Secretary and humiliating him into silence with an extended arm and a flick of her fingers.

As the contest goes on, he could be outdone by Finance Secretary Kate Forbes whose leadership bid has so far been dominated by criticism of her trenchant moral views on gay marriage and sex outside wedlock. The most surprising thing about Ms Forbes is not her religious convictions, she’s welcome to them, but that so many of her initial backers seemed to be unaware of them.

Detective Benoit Blanc, of Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery, made be required as the knives come out among SNP factions (Picture: PA/John Wilson/Netflix)

The SNP MSPs who found a quick reverse gear when Ms Forbes spoke openly about her beliefs look like fools now. The reaction from other sections of her own party, who build their brand on identity politics but fail to recognise a strand of religious and social make-up which has been a large part of Scotland’s character for centuries, just shows how shallow their understanding of the nation actually is.

Despite that dreadful start, a weekend poll puts Ms Forbes in pole position to succeed Ms Sturgeon. Mr Yousaf too has faced questions over his position on social issues after Alex Neil, the former Health Secretary, accused him of “deliberately skipping the vote” on equal marriage.

Mr Yousaf denies all this, of course. But eyebrows will be raised at how quickly this campaign has dived into mudslinging and ‘he said, she said’. The next few weeks will twist and turn on the character traits being exposed by long-overdue scrutiny.

For my part, I think Ms Forbes’ faith in austerity is actually more worrying than her religious faith. Be of no doubt that her political instincts are to be a fiscal conservative as much as a social one. She even has the backing of Jacob Rees-Mogg.

‘Kate’s Cuts’ would make John ‘Swinney Todd’ look like a Walt Disney version of the barbarous butcher of local council budgets. Her administration would represent a sharp turn to the right which would leave her as out of tune with Scotland’s poorest communities as she is with her party on matters of sex and marriage.

Ash Regan is the outsider the Yousaf camp actually fears the most. Her rump of support could deny him a first-round win and when her votes are redistributed they are not likely to go to him. It’s almost worth one of Alex Salmond’s famous betting tips but then he never had much of a reputation for backing winners at the bookies or in referendums.

So, increasingly, the SNP’s choice is coming down to someone of deep convictions or someone with no convictions at all, if Mr Yousaf’s six points for driving without insurance while he was the transport minister are not taken into account m’lud.

I’m afraid it really is a B movie cast list for this Knives Out thriller. But the only person to blame for that is Ms Sturgeon herself who suffocated talent for years with a flick of her imperious wrist, rather than nurture the kind of political leadership that’s needed. That dearth of talent may be the SNP’s particular rabbit hole but it should not be Scotland’s choice. We can and we will do much better than this.

Jackie Baillie is MSP for Dumbarton, Scottish Labour’s deputy leader and her party’s spokesperson for health

SNP leadership contest: Scotland deserves better than this 'Knives Out' fight between talentless rivals – Jackie Baillie

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