Leader: No, Prime Minister … not that Margaret

SCENE: Prime Minister David Cameron’s office at the Conservative Party conference, Manchester. Enter Mr Cameron and aide.

AIDE: Your next interview, Prime Minister, is with Scottish journalists. Now you will remember the names of the candidates for the Scottish party leadership? We don’t want a repeat of Ed Miliband, do we now?

PM: No, no. They’re a fine bunch of men.

AIDE: Prime Minister, there are two men and two women.

PM: Oh Lord.

AIDE: Can you remember any of their names?

PM: Oh yes, of course. Chap with big ears… eh, Mungo, whatsisname… Mungo Jerry, erm…

AIDE: (sighs) Murdo Fraser. Can you remember any others?

PM: Yes of course. The kickboxer… er, Ruth Kelly… no, wait a minute, Ellis? Um…

AIDE: Davidson, Prime Minister, Ruth Davidson. Now who else?

PM: Erm, Michael Jackson thingy, Stonewall Jackson, er Jackson Car Salesman…

AIDE: Carlaw. It’s Jackson Carlaw. Now can you remember the fourth candidate?

PM Em, er, um…

AIDE: Here’s a clue. Her first name’s Margaret.

PM: Margaret? MARGARET TH…! Ah, if only!

AIDE: Don’t dare go there, Prime Minister…