Keir Starmer vs Rishi Sunak: Get ready for a long year of cringe-worthy photo-ops and attempts to 'relate' – Aidan Smith

Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer can seem a touch robotic when compared to their predecessors so this election year may seem like a long one

Look at this photograph and tell me what’s wrong with it. There’s Rishi Sunak in a pub and the atmosphere seems relaxed and convivial – just the tonic, you might think, after a busy first week of what’s going to be the defining year of his life. But what’s that he’s drinking? Water? Maybe more likely his favoured Sprite. And that’s okay, isn’t it? He shouldn’t be having alcohol forced down him for the sake of a photo-opportunity, not least during Dry January.

But photo-ops in 2024 will be everything and a few days before Sunak’s visit to an award-winning Derbyshire alehouse, Keir Starmer was snapped in his favourite bar in London’s Kentish Town with a pint in his hand. Among Sunak’s general election strategists, there might have been a few groans about that.

Every move these two make is going to be scrutinised, analysed, contextualised. At the end of each day’s campaigning, the equivalent of a barmaid’s slops cloth will be wrung of every big speech and – just as crucial, maybe more so – every tiny aside. How did it all play? Was it relatable? Because these are guys with a lot of relating to do.

In the previous two elections, whatever else you thought about them or their politics, Jeremy Corbyn and Boris Johnson connected with voters. Both the Prime Minister and the Labour leader will have to up their games. Neither resembles a man relishing the political equivalent of cage-fighting as Johnson did, or who has a witty way with words enabling him to extricate himself from some, if not all, tight corners. And nor do Sunak or Starmer seem likely to end up having their name chanted football-style at this summer’s Glastonbury, as happened to Corbyn.

Darts champ in Downing Street

Thus their teams will have to work sound-bites and those photo-ops for all they’re worth. And thus, the little helper in Sunak’s team in charge of the optics may regret Rishi’s failure to avail himself of that pub’s optics and reluctantly concede: first blow to, yes, Beer Starmer.

Has it come to this? Epic choices – who leads the country – influenced by frivolousness and flimflam? Well, what’s really new here? It’s a long, long time since the first baby was torn from its mother’s grasp by an electioneering politician and made to cry by a harsh-lipped kiss planted on its sweet-smelling head.

Politicians probably won’t do that now. But they’ll do just about anything else. And almost everything will come into play, including darts. After Luke Humphries became the sport’s world champ, he was invited to No 10 to fling a few arrows with Sunak (because the PM has a board in the hall and another in the Cabinet room, right? With Starmer’s little lemon smile on the bullseyes and Nigel Farage’s letterbox grin at triple 20? Of course – huge fan of the oche).

That was another attempt to connect with real people and the cash-strapped, modestly hobbied, politically cynical masses who’ll decide his fate and it didn’t go too badly, although Sunak might be kicking himself or indeed one of his aides for not using the photo-op to exploit his passion for maths, given the lightning-fast calculations of Humphries and teen-sensation rival Luke Littler in a final which thrilled millions watching darts for the first time.

Barbie or Oppenheimer? The big films of last year are still big now, given that the movie awards season is underway, and so Sunak and Starmer and Ed Davey, too, should probably be ready with their preference. (A world in screaming pink or one that probably starts out reddish-brown but soon after the bomb has dropped, who’s left to ask? Careful of those loaded questions).

Naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?

Football will become a political football. Sunak will be urged to get right behind England at the Euros while Starmer, needing our votes, will champion Scotland. Favourite pop band? Gordon Brown – bless him, one of the least “with it” politicians of recent times – was badly advised when he claimed Arctic Monkeys roused him for a morning drill which possibly involved cold porridge and burpees. And The xx suffered a dent to their cred when David Cameron revealed they were the perfect accompaniment to snuggling on the sofa with his wife.

The Last Dinner Party? They’re Radio 1’s just-crowned Sound of 2024 so are Rishi and Keir up to speed with the most promising new skiffle combo around? Or who would they invite to their dream dinner party? Come on! We need to know!

What’s the naughtiest thing these two have ever done? All that would be required here is trumping Theresa May and proving themselves more adventurous – more alive, indeed – than the former Prime Minister who agonised on TV for many seconds before disclosing that – golly gosh, hope no ginger beer was spilled – she and her chums once scampered across a wheat field.

Another who’s gone before, making mistakes so Sunak and Starmer can hope to avoid them, is Margaret Thatcher. In the aftermath of the Falklands War, a viewer’s persistent challenging of the PM over the sinking of the Belgrano caused Thatcher to forget her interrogator’s name.

It was Diana Gould and right away, from the next edition of Question Time and beyond, names would be jotted down by politicians and recited often, bestowing on them the status of new best friends. On Laura Kuenssberg’s show on Sunday, answering one exasperated member of the electorate whose complaints about potholes and a creaking NHS were flashed up on a board, Sunak referenced “Gary” four or five times.

Neither Sunak nor Starmer, both at various times dubbed robotic, is a natural when encountering the Garys but they won’t survive this election campaign by sticking to glib, remote messaging. It’s going to be one of the longest of recent times, and if, as predicted, it gets spiteful then Sunak may not be able to stay Sprite-ful. Cheers, guys...