Kayt Turner: ‘I feel that a few alterations could turn the Slanket into a must-be-seen-in garment’

SO I’VE been casting about this week looking for something else to do. Not, you understand, that I’m bored or have too little on my plate. It’s just that a girl should have more than one string to her bow, no?

But what should these other strings be? A friend has recently taken up floristry. Sounds good, in theory. I mean, I like flowers. Well, I certainly like receiving them. However, the reality of all that blooming endeavour is split nails, damaged cuticles and having to get up in the middle of the night to go to flower markets. So, no. Not for me.

I would – as in all my life decision-type matters – take inspiration from the world of celebrities. Every celeb worth their own hand-flaked Puglian sea salt has more than one string twanging away. They may start off as singers or models, but they end up dancing, painting, taking photographs and choreographing West End musicals. All documented on their own lifestyle websites, natch.

The latest batch of these multitalented superbeings was in evidence at last week’s London Fashion Week when Cheryl Cole (along with her big, big hair) and Robbie Williams both launched their own design ranges – Cheryl of shoes, and Robbie of gentleman’s apparel. Milan’s Fashion Week is about to be similarly swamped by their own TV presenters, singers and general no-marks launching design ranges of everything from jewellery to jeans.

Initially I thought that my inability to sew might be a hindrance (I still get a distinctly queasy feeling whenever I think of the blue crimplelene skirt that I made in second-year fabric and fashion). But no-one really thinks that Victoria sits up at night sewing all those frocks herself, do they? Or that Cheryl has her own set of lasts and hammers in the back bedroom? Celebrities don’t let lack of ability hold them back, so why should I?

So, having settled on my new career path, I just have to work out what, exactly, I want to design. After careful consideration, I think I may have the answer. While I bow to no man in my admiration for the Slanket – that’s a blanket with arms for the uninitiated among you – I feel that a few alterations could make it not just a must-have garment but also a must-be-seen-in item.

The first problem is that it doesn’t close at the back. I have found that if I want to go anywhere, I’m left clutching at my rear in the same way that you would a medical gown as you head towards your procedure. It’s not a nice image, is it? So definitely fastenings, and probably pockets. Insulated pockets. This is a tweak I have developed from bitter experience. Those family bars of Galaxy tend to melt pretty quickly if they’re just left in your pocket.

Like all great celebrity designers I should diversify into accessories. That way everyone can buy a little slice of the glamour. Sunglasses are an obvious item, but I confess that I have always had a particular weakness for the turban, and I think now is the time to bring it back. It’s not just for bad hair days. If worn properly, it can also tighten all those annoying jowls.

I just need to have a few prototypes run up and then I can sit back and wait for the commissions to flow in. Shall I put you down for a couple now so that you beat the rush?