John Gibson: This voice she would not believe

No more than it deserves. One of its former high-profile employees, Janet Street Porter is giving the BBC a roasting. “Like the Titanic, going down fast,’’ she fumes, reluctant to throw anyone a lifebelt.

She wonders if the BBC Trust chairman Chris Patten has ever seen the local news cover, Look North. “Appalling,’’ she rates it, “presented by a weird-looking bunch of people with zero charisma.”

You’re not alone, Janet, I’m telling her. Get up here and have a dekko at Reporting Scotland and bring an interpreter with you. You’ll need one to disentangle the torrent of verbiage from the regular weather presenter. You’d keep Sally Magnusson on the staff.

Sport? Forget it. BBC Glasgow drizzled licence-payers’ dosh on the flash flitting to new headquarters. Aye, aye, sir, the firm’s foundering on a Titanic scale.

But hold on! That continuity announcer at STV – incredibly, she’s been there forever – must take the prize. Janet, you would not believe your ears.

Under orders

“Every Press man should have a copy,” I’ve been brain-washed. The Royal Regiment of Scotland – A Soldier’s Handbook is a slim volume that fits easily and snugly into the pocket.

But, you never know, fat enough to stop a bullet if carried into battle. My battling days are over. They never were.

But I had the story of Scotland’s infantry regiment thrust at me from an old soldier, Major Brian Leishman.

“You don’t have to be a soldier to own a copy,’’ he stresses. Regimental Headquarters at the Castle has the details. Phone [phone], or march boldly up to the Esplanade and somebody will help you. It’s free.

More of the nomadic Major Leishman soon, by the way.