John Gibson: ‘Porty sands are set for the donkeys’

I’M FOR the Portobello renaissance as as much as the next Leither. But proposed donkey rides on the beach?

Not a word to the RSPCA about it. Don’t let Animal Rights hear about it. I can sniff something in the air down there. So can you. Depends on the way the wind’s blowing from Seafield.

I’m seldom around in the Forth’s Vegas. I used to venture down regularly to exchange sobering thoughts with one of its tenement residents, Ned Barnie, the English Channel swimmer and science teach at David Kilpatrick’s secondary school. Too much chlorine in the local baths for Ned’s liking.

Anyway, what’s guaranteed at Porty this summer is blanket coverage. Take your own bottle.If it’s made of rubber, make sure it doesn’t leak. If they’re stuck for donkeys they can take their pick of the of the councillors at the City Chambers and hee-haw.

Fan-dabi-don’t

Not in my nature. I’d never wish anybody any harm (okay, maybe I would) but the pantomime horse that fell on John Barrowman should have been more selective and toppled on the Krankies.

Yes, I have this crush on the Krankies. Get my drift?

Easy money

Looking for a job? Try public relations (if there’s nothing doing in Human Resources). Public relations pays fortunes and you don’t need to be clever. Dingles are welcome.

Gawd knows what they’re paying Marketing Edinburgh chairman Alan Johnston. Happy New Year, Alan. He’s bound to be worth every penny when we see tram drivers will trouser £24,000 after two years on the tracks. To them I warn, beware trick cyclists.