John Gibson: Not such a dishy dip for dunkers

Nothing is sacrosanct in this wacky world. Nothing, I tell you. Absolutely nothing.

‘Tis a pity McVitie’s are now mired in it. They are introducing a new – I’d say revolutionary – version of their chocolate digestive. And the professional tasters are saying it’s not nearly as good as the original. Bad news for dunkers. They prefer the original, even though it made their cuppa gungier.

Taking the biscuit, Ikea have withdrawn their Swedish meatballs from their stores. Horse DNA allegedly has been discovered in them.

If they were packaged anything like their furniture, how the hell did housewives cope in the kitchen with a load of their meatballs? PS . . . is there a joiner in the house?

Cashing in?

Och, it wis only a wee fright for Lulu when she was mugged for her bank card near her London home, wis it no? Well worth the hassle when it occasioned an entire page in a national daily.

Plus a plug for her new album and her tour. The mugger could have done us all a favour had he hijacked that grating turn-off Glasgow accent instead of the card.

She’s well into her sixties, though, and she’s what her ain folk in Dennistoun would call “a rerr wee trouper”. She pursued the miscreant, it must be said, presumably shouting all the way.