John Gibson: Hooked on a yellow bikini’d lady

Caught my eye, so she did, the shapely lass in a yellow bikini. She’s decorating my invitation from auctioneers Lyon & Turnbull’s exhibition of Scottish contemporary and post-war art.

Trust me, I know nowt about contemporary art.

But L&T’s managing director Nick Curnow is informing me: “The contemporary market appears to be more than weathering the economic storm. Our last post-war and modern sale had a selling rate of 84 per cent by volume and 97 per cent by value. Successes in the sale include Bellany and Byrne.’’

Get to the point, Gibson. This lady and the yellow bikini. Okay, okay, stay cool. Mr Curnow further enlightens us: “Our latest flier depicts David Mach’s mixed media/ postcard montage of Girl in a Yellow Bikini is estimated to raise £4000 to £6000.

“Mach had a hugely successful solo exhibition at the City Art Centre during last year’s Edinburgh Festival.’’

Don’t know her name. Haven’t met her. But it was love at first sight. Ridiculous at my age, agreed. Maybe she’ll turn up in the flesh at the sale on April 25 at Broughton Place.

Unlikely she’d be impressed at the rattle of loose change in my pocket. And anyway, would she be seen dead in a bikini in downtown Broughton Street?

Afterwords . .

. . . possibly Rangers Football Club are beyond help. But they’ve not given up hope. They’ve had a slap-up dinner, when the soup starter was administrone.