John Gibson: This can’t be true of Michael!

Quick, somebody. Tell me this isn’t true. Michael Douglas – yes, THE Michael Douglas – plays way over the top piano showman Liberace in a new film, Behind the Candelabra.

Tacky tale of the relationship between Lee, as he was known intimately to chums, and his lover played by Matt Damon. Set in the Seventies and aged 57 and 18.

Tell me this is not the same Michael Douglas who gave us Wall Street, Falling Down and Fatal Attraction among other Oscar-worthy performances too numerous to mention.

Has Catherine Zeta Jones, real-life wife of Douglas, been at all influential in the Liberace lark? He never played without a candelabra on the piano, by the way.

Believe it or not

John Simpson, the BBC’s world affairs editor, is programmed by an assistant producer who’s also employed by the Beeb, his wife. How close can you get? . . . Scottish MP Eric Joyce won’t face charges following his arrest over an alleged brawl in a Commons bar. Insufficient evidence, says the Crown Prosecution Service . . . A panic-stricken Christine Bleakley, screams: “I think we have a little mouse in the attic!” . . . I’ve signed a petition to have Osborne sacked, taking Cameron with him. Correction: I’ve organised a petition to have the pair booted. With seriously reduced pensions.